


never seen something quite like you

by sofarsoperfect



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternative Universe - Gamers / ESports, Alternative Universe - OnlyFans Creator, Alternative Universe - Twitch Streamer, Fall / Winter Holidays, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, M/M, Minor Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Minor Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, Minor Lee Taeyong/Qian Kun, Mutual Pining, Personas, Reveals, Secret Identity, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:02:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 33,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27627893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sofarsoperfect/pseuds/sofarsoperfect
Summary: “I think this is a good thing,” Kun assures him. Sicheng offers him a sad smile. “We’re all getting worked up over ‘what-if’s and I don’t think that’s helpful. As your agent and PR person,” Sicheng rolls his eyes emphatically, making Kun chuckle, “I think it’s important you build these relationships with your gaming friends. This is a good first step to opening more doors, making more connections.”“Yeah, yeah…” Sicheng mumbles, pulling the blanket up to his chin.“As your friend,” Kun stresses, resting his head on Sicheng’s shoulder. Sicheng gains just a little bit of smug delight from knowing that while he’s almost two years younger than Kun he’s still got at least two inches on him. “I think it’s good for you to make more friends and find more people to trust. And we’re still operating on the suggestion that the minute Johnny sees your face he’s going to know. That’s just not true. Most likely, he doesn’t even know your OnlyFans exists. Just be his friend, I think that’s a really good place to start.”
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 16
Kudos: 170





	never seen something quite like you

**Author's Note:**

> niche fic 2: black ops (or something equally as video game-y)
> 
> yeah, this one's about video games. kind of. it's a little bit about onlyfans and it's honestly something that infiltrated my mind on complete accident. this was totally a whim from a RETWEET i made at least a month ago. it blossomed into this crazy long fic that i love so much and i hope you all enjoy it as much as i enjoyed writing it!
> 
> thank you to everyone who supported me: sharky, jazz, mars, my loving sister, couldn't have done it without you and this was beta'd by the unfathomable, wonderful mars! i owe you so much, boo, you don't even know!
> 
> *title: blind - role model  
> *beta'd

“Don’t- don’t, Johnny!” Sicheng shouts into his mic. His face ends up in his hands while Hyuck and Taeil cackle into their mics. His screen goes black and white, WASTED jumping up in red and black. His hands slide down his face and he sighs, Johnny’s car spinning out a few feet away. He clicks the button to respawn, slouching back in his chair.

“Sorry, sorry!” Johnny yells. Sicheng respawns several blocks away, causing him to run all the way down the street and around the corner to get back to his car. “I swear I didn’t mean to do that, I promise!” He sounds sincere but Sicheng’s isn’t so sure as his character climbs back into his car and drives away from where Johnny is parked. 

“Why is it that we get into a game and you kill me immediately every single time?” Sicheng complains, reversing his car into an alleyway out of the way. “Taeil, can you please start the race before Johnny murders me again.” 

“You always run in front of me and you know I’m bad at the controls!” 

“We’ve played this game how many times?!” Sicheng yells back. “Dude, you have finished GTA twice, you have all the achievements!” 

“Not true,” Johnny replies, his tone almost smug about the fact that he has the grounds to contradict Sicheng. Sicheng rolls his eyes emphatically despite the fact that no one can see it. “I refuse to complete the Kifflom achievement because it’s annoying as fuck and also DLC is a trap.” 

“DLC is not a trap, you’re just cheap. I have the DLC achievements,” Donghyuck points out. “Get that gamerscore!” Donghyuck is truly the last person in their friend group who gives half a fuck about achievements but he loves holding the fact that he has all the GTA V achievements over their heads. Even Sicheng hasn’t completed all the DLC achievements (he’s more of a PC man so that’s not really a concern of his). 

“GTA V came out six years ago, Johnny. Finish the fucking game,” Sicheng admonishes. Johnny harrumphs but doesn’t have anything else to say about it. To be fair to Johnny, the Kifflom achievement is something approaching 12 steps to accomplish and it is annoying as fuck.

“Hendery is coming and so is Jungwoo, we’re waiting on them,” Taeil informs them, voice coming back to them. “Until then, let’s try not to kill each other too many times. Your money’s in the bank, right, Winwin?” 

“I always put my money in the bank before I get into a game with Johnny,” Sicheng points out, reaching out for his water to take a sip. “I die too many times to not do that.” 

“I just looked it up, do you realize you’re missing out on 30 gamerscore?” Hyuck asks, a minute later. Of course Donghyuck cares about having the last word on this achievement business. So long as he’s not about to die by Johnny’s wild driving, doing donuts and being a general menace to the city of Los Santos in the middle of the street, Sicheng doesn’t much care. He is in his alleyway of safety.

“Who do I look like, Brownman? I don’t give a fuck,” Johnny brushes off. His car burns rubber, leaving smoke trails as he skids around a corner, tires squealing in-game.

“100% the game, asshole!” 

“I’m older than you, don’t tell me what to do!” 

“Hello, friends,” Guanheng joins the voice chat, interrupting Johnny and Donghyuck squabbling. Sicheng cheers softly. “I am getting in the game now, sorry. You know, loading screens.” 

“Boo!” Hyuck groans. “I’m gonna go hold up a gas station or something in the meantime. Who’s with me?” 

“Do not get a wanted level!” Taeil shouts into the mic. “If you get a wanted level you’re gonna have to outrun the police and when we get back in the game between races you’ll be halfway across the map from us. Don’t do it.” 

“I’m bored!” 

“I’ll street race you?” Johnny offers him. Hyuck makes a noncommittal noise and Johnny huffs. As they do.

“Please don’t get a wanted level,” Sicheng sighs, knowing full well that even street racing can sometimes cause you to get a wanted level. “Hendery, how’s the loading screen?” He says it with a little bit of mirth. This fucking game their fucking loading screens.

“Long.” 

“GTL,” Taeil jokes. 

Sicheng checks out as they wait for Guanheng to actually get in the game to check in on his chat. Things are pretty casual, no one’s made a race joke yet so they’re doing okay. God Bless Kun and Dejun, two of his best mods. Thankfully Guanheng’s not streaming tonight so Dejun’s not doing double duty on the chat front. Things are quiet but he expects them to pick up shortly, GTA has a tendency to cause literally the worst humans to come out of the woodwork, but especially the backseat gamers, even if they are just playing casual mulitplayer.

“Zelder, Doomegg, thank you for the resub,” Sicheng says, noting the resubscription pops. He doesn’t always have time to comment on the resubs when he’s gaming with friends so he tries to catch them when he does. Johnny and Hyuck are street racing, despite knowing better, and Sicheng has a terrible sinking feeling someone is going to get a wanted level so he remains in his alleyway, watching. 

“I’m here!” Jungwoo announces as he spawns in. Hendery and Taeil both snort, they always do. Jungwoo has a tendency to dress his character in the dumbest shit imaginable and due to having a female character he has so many more options for stupidity. There’s no proof that Jungwoo isn’t trying to make the world’s most obnoxious GTA character imaginable with this clothing and apartment decor choices. Even Jungwoo’s car sports blinding fluorescent stripes. 

“Taeil start the race before Haechan gets a wanted level!” Johnny shouts, which tells Sicheng that Hyuck is totally running red lights and being generally annoying in his Zentorno.

“Okay, well everyone has to accept the invite. Winwin.” 

“Shit, sorry, catching up on chat.” 

GTA streams, despite being full of trolls and generally annoying chatters who seem to camp the GTA title on Twitch, are some of the most fun. Mostly because despite all of them completing the game (some of them a handful of years ago, depending on when they started gaming seriously) they still don’t really know what they’re doing. Guanheng has yet to perfect flying a plane, which is great when Taeil decides to give them a sky race. He always crashes at least seven times before he even makes it halfway through. 

“Place ya bets!” Hyuck says when they get to the waiting screen.

“Pass,” Jungwoo replies.

“Money’s on Winwin,” Guanheng says. Sicheng barks a laugh into the microphone. 

“No bets on Hendery,” Johnny warns, only to get a “hey!” in retort. “I have no interest in losing money on you, Hendery. Besides, my reward will be watching you crash your Lazer five times,” Johnny adds, a low murmur of laughter joining his comment as Johnny passes him on bets. “Thousand on Winwin though.” 

“I suggest money on Taeil but whatever,” Sicheng says, passing bets altogether. “Get ready to lose a lot of money, guys.” 

Group streams can last as long as solo streams depending on the game. They usually get bored of GTA and start messing around in PUBG or, lately, Among Us, when it starts getting monotonous. Tonight though, Sicheng passes on Among Us to get off stream. Changing media is a huge pain in the ass, yes, but he also has other plans. 

“I’m out, guys,” Sicheng calls out in warning. “Have a good night.” 

“See ya!” 

“Bye, Winwin.” 

Sicheng disconnects from GTA and clicks around to his intermediate screen featuring his favorite doodle of Renjun’s of his gamer persona. 

“That’s it for the stream tonight, guys. Let’s find someone to raid and then I’m gonna call it a night,” Sicheng tells them.

When he disconnects from Twitch, turning the stream off he leans back in his chair for a second before turning to his other screen. Having dual monitors is great for shit like this and he opens his browser as he goes about closing all his windows, turning off OBS and Streamlabs. He catches the last few seconds of chat before turning entirely to his opposite screen, logging into his OnlyFans. 

“What is going on tonight,” he mutters, scrolling through site updates. Those policy changes really shot him in the foot but having a consistent fanbase makes it easier to swallow. Besides, he’s never been the type to lie about his subscription perks and rewards so that’s never been an issue. Not a lot of DMs in his inbox, a handful of comments on his other videos. He hums softly, turning to his files to upload a new video. 

All of his content on OnlyFans is pre-recorded or photographic, which is, at least, one less thing to worry about. Between full-time streaming at five days a week and five days a week uploads on his OnlyFans he’s rather busy at all hours. It’s fun, both of them are, as well as rewarding, OnlyFans more in a monetary sense than anything else, so he doesn’t mind it. He leans back in his chair as it loads up, scrolling through his other socials in the meantime. 

His notifications are lit up on Twitter and his Discord server is running so quickly there’s no hope of catching up. Everyone tagged him if they were live as well as he had tagged them when he got online. It always causes his Twitter to blow up. His personals aren’t nearly as bad, mostly friends from university and high school talking about their mundane lives. Sicheng glances over every so often to check the upload speed.

Tags, notes and title take the longest and once it’s set up to post he does so. The little accept tile goes dark as the website posts his newest video to his archive. He won’t have long until the comments and DMs start flooding in as well as the tips. He doesn’t stick around to view them, he still has another video he needs to film before it gets too late in the evening. 

His GoPro is waiting on his dresser and he turns everything off to get changed. 

from: johnnysuhgames@gmail.com  
to: allidois.winwin@gmail.com  
subject: Chicago

Hey, I know this is kind of weird and out of the blue but I just wanted to get in touch with you about something. I was actually hoping you could give me a hand with it. 

I’m moving back to the Chicago area soon-ish and I honestly don’t remember a whole lot about it. I grew up a ways north so I'm pretty murky on where to live, what to avoid, that kind of thing and was hoping you could give me a hand. 

I also had another favor to ask but it’s not imperative or anything. 

from: allidois.winwin@gmail.com  
to: johnnysuhgames@gmail.com  
subject: re: Chicago

dude, jump in discord. you know i’m always online. let’s voice chat about this. 

Discord dings less than five minutes later. Putting his headphones on, he turns on his voice chat and mic. Johnny’s voice crackles over the connection a second later. 

“Hey,” Johnny greets. 

“Hey, what’s up? You know you can always DM me for whatever. I think I even have your phone number.” He mumbles the last bit as though as an afterthought, casting a glance at where his phone is lying on the corner on his desk. 

“Uh, yeah,” Johnny replies, a little awkwardly. “Sorry about that. Uhm, so I’m moving, I said that in the, uh, email,” he says and Sicheng nods, humming. “So, I used to live there but not, like, _in_ the city, y’know? I don’t actually know where I should be looking for apartments or really what’s a good neighborhood for living in. I thought you might have an idea since you’re still living over there, y’know?” 

“Sure. When do you plan on moving?” Sicheng asks, shifting back and forth in his gaming chair. 

“Uh, not for another couple months or so. I still don’t know where I’m gonna be living and I got a lot of moving around to do before I can get out there,” Johnny says. “Just if you have any ideas.” 

“I mean, I don’t know that my apartment style is your style, you live with Taeil, after all,” Sicheng jokes and gets a soft laugh in reply. “But I can see if my building has some openings or my friends’ buildings. And honestly, you live in L.A., in comparison Chicago is small potatoes. There’s really nothing you have to worry about that you haven’t dealt with before.” 

“Fair enough,” Johnny answers with a chuckle. “Thanks for the help. I really appreciate it.” 

“Why are you moving home, if you don’t mind my asking.” 

“Family,” Johnny replies easily. “Dad’s gotten more health issues as he’s gotten older. It’s not like he’s on his deathbed or anything but Mom’s worried what with me being so far away and the only son-” 

“Asian family responsibility. Nah, I get it,” Sicheng insists, getting an understanding hum from Johnny over the voice chat. “So you’re moving home. That’s… valiant.” 

“I have the funds,” Johnny replies. It’s not so much a brag as it is a statement of fact. Being a streamer, even if Johnny is also a part-time youtuber, is a lucrative business. They’re friends, they’re never going to get together and compare their paychecks are anything but it isn’t exactly unknown information that streaming pays well if you have the community to back you up. Johnny being able to pick his life up and move back to Chicago in what is, essentially, a whim, isn’t an impossible feat for him. “Besides, I’m close with my mom.” 

That’s not something Sicheng can relate to but he gets it. 

“Well, I can get you some information on the housing market, ask around.” He bites his tongue to resist offering to help him move. That seems a little… too much, considering Johnny still doesn’t actually know what he looks like. 

Sicheng has always been discerning as to who knows him in that manner. His gaming persona has always been faceless, even the art Renjun has created for his streams. Only his small friend group even knows his real name. It’s a precaution he’s taken to protect his identity as well as his second job. While he wouldn’t necessarily be opposed to Johnny knowing him in a more personal manner he’s hesitant. 

For a couple of reasons. 

“Thanks, I appreciate it. And, actually, since you’re here, I wanted to ask you something. And if you don’t want to it’s cool. Like, there’s no pressure or anything, I just thought I’d offer,” he says, words tripping over themselves. Sicheng pulls his knees up to his chest, feet perched on the edge of the edge of his chair.

“Are you gonna ask?” He teases gently. 

“Yeah, uhm,” he chuckles a self-depreciating little laugh. “Since I’m moving out there soon-ish and you mentioned you live out there but like… pretty much by yourself I thought we could get lunch sometime?” Johnny offers. “No pressure if you don’t want to, I know being a nonentity is kind of your thing so if you don’t want to it’s totally chill I just thought, y’know, I could ask.” Sicheng rests his chin on his knees as he thinks it over.

There are a lot of reasons why he’d want to but there are also a lot of reasons why he shouldn’t. 

Johnny was one of his first friends in the gaming community. Sicheng has been gaming, seriously, for a longer time than him but they found each other easily. Johnny was a casual vlogger before he found his niche in gaming videos and eventually in streaming. They’ve been playing together for a while, the beginning of what Sicheng now considers his closest circle of gaming friends. 

In a way, it would feel like a longtime coming. None of the others in Sicheng’s friend group has ever hidden their identity like he does. All of them stream with facecams and while Hendery and Haechan also use persona names their real names aren’t a secret. Sicheng is Winwin, he’s only ever been Winwin, a title he awarded himself due to his undefeated record on League against anyone who’s opposed him. allidois_winwin has been his title on stream ever since he started. 

He supposes that if anyone deserves it, it might be Johnny. He’s never once pushed Sicheng for his real identity, he gave Johnny his real name on his own terms and still there are only a handful of things Johnny actually knows about him. If he knew him, really knew him, Sicheng doesn’t think it would be such a terrible thing. 

But he remains uncertain given what else he does. He doesn’t know that if Johnny were to find out, and hate him for it, he could handle it. He knows that losing one of his best friends for that reason would mean he’s not really his friend at all but it still hurts. Sicheng still likes both of the things he does but there’s a reason he won’t tell anyone that they’re both him. 

Being a gamer and being a camboy doesn’t really match up. Sicheng knows this. The way in which some women are treated, seen as objects, or lesser because gaming has always generally been a male dominated sport or pastime has caused more than enough trouble, especially in the last few years. Sicheng has an immense amount of respect for women who stream as well as post on OnlyFans, runs Patreons and post boudoir cosplay. It’s not an easy thing to do, especially given the kinds of people and things that are said to them. 

Sometimes he thinks that makes him a coward, not coming forward, but he wishes only to protect himself and he doesn’t think there’s anything cowardly about that. 

Even so, there are very few people other than Johnny that he would let into his little world of secrets. 

“Yeah, okay,” Sicheng mumbles. He vaguely recognizes that Johnny was still talking despite the fact that Sicheng had gone silent. He stops abruptly as he takes in the agreement. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Sicheng agrees. “Let’s do lunch. Sounds fun.” 

“Okay,” Johnny agrees, joy coming back into his tone. “Yeah, okay! Uhm… when I move we’ll get together. You pick the place I’m still…” 

“It might just be Potbelly’s, to be totally honest with you.” 

“God! Please?” 

They don’t talk for much longer and Johnny signs off first, promising to text or DM if he has anything else he wants to ask Sicheng. His headphones land on his desk and he leans back in his chair for a second. He pulls his lower lip between his teeth for a second before picking himself up from his desk, the silence of his room in the wake of talking to Sicheng bothering him. 

“Did you ask him?” Taeil asks from where he’s lying on the sofa. Johnny takes in the scene, something he’s going to miss a lot when he moves out. 

Hyuck is curled into the corner of the sofa while Taeil leans his back against Hyuck’s side, laptop open in his lap as he edits his latest stream to put up on Youtube. Hyuck is scrolling through his socials, curled up into a tight little ball with his free hand running through his boyfriend’s hair. It’s terribly domestic, something Johnny’s gotten used to seeing ever since Hyuck and Taeil started dating last year. He’s going to miss them. 

“Why are you here?” He asks anyway. Bothering Hyuck remains one of his favorite pastimes and he settles down in his recliner as Hyuck finally lifts his eyes from his phone. 

“Scoping out your place so I can move in when you move out,” he retorts. Johnny rolls his eyes. “You have a nicer apartment than me and I’m totally taking your bedroom when you leave.” 

“For what? Don’t act like you and Taeil won’t be sleeping in the same room.” Taeil’s cheeks turn a cute little rosy shade at the mention of sharing a bed with his boyfriend. Johnny rolls his eyes with a little smile. “Yeah, I asked him about the housing situation,” Johnny answers Taeil’s question, Taeil turning his head to look at him. “He said he’d keep an ear out for me so that’s one less thing to worry about.” 

“Not the apartment thing. The lunch thing,” Taeil states. Hyuck’s brow lifts inquisitively. Johnny looks away, playing with the tassels on his favorite throw blanket. He doesn’t care that it’s technically Taeil’s, he’s stealing it when he moves. “Did you ask him?”

“The lunch thing?” Hyuck asks, brows moving around dramatically. Johnny rolls his eyes as he nests further into his recliner. 

“I just asked the guy to go to lunch with me when I move back, that’s all,” he mumbles as he pulls the blanket up. It’s not cold here but he knows he’s going to be freezing the minute he goes back to Illinois. He’s been away too long, he’s not got his thick skin anymore and as excited as he is to get back to his old stomping grounds he’s still worried about the chill. God, he hopes whenever he moves to has a good heating system. 

“You asked Winwin to go to lunch with you?” Hyuck asks. “The dude’s never shown his face to us as long as we’ve known him and you asked if he wanted to meet up, in person, and have a lunch date?” He doesn’t sound concerned or scandalized so much as amused. Johnny wants to be eaten by his recliner. 

“Yeah,” he mumbles. 

It was a longshot, he knows that. He really didn’t want Sicheng to feel any sort of pressure about it. It wasn’t a make or break situation, he just thought that since they were going to be living in the same city, possibly in the same area, they could get together, have a meal. He does that with a lot of his friends. He likes to think he and Sicheng are friends. At least, maybe a little. 

“He said he wants to,” Johnny adds, just a touch defensive. It’s worth it for the way Taeil’s eyes light up and Hyuck looks mildly surprised. “He said it sounds like fun. So, we’re gonna do lunch once I move. It’s not like it’s gonna be some big deal, we get lunch together all the time.” 

“But, and no offense, you have no idea what Sicheng looks like,” Taeil points out. “None of us do. That’s gonna be, like, a bit of a game changer, don’t you think?” 

“It’s not like knowing what he looks like is going to change my opinion of him!” Johnny insists. “None of us have ever known what he looks like but we still like him. We still game together. It’s not a big deal, just like… something new to know about him, I guess.” 

“I guess,” Hyuck brushes off. “Have you ever thought about what he might look like, though? Even his art persona wears a mask and his eyes are like, pitch black. He obviously doesn’t look like that so like… what does he look like?” Hyuck wonders aloud. 

“I mean, yeah,” Johnny admits. “Doesn’t everybody?”

It’s a well talked about topic of conversation, what the mysterious Winwin might look like under his mask. He’s posted only one photo of himself and in it he was wearing a black face mask. The lighting was dim and from a single angle, illuminating the left side of his face. He has almond shaped, monolid eyes and short dark brown hair and broad shoulders. That’s really all anyone was able to take from the photo, not a whole lot else was seen. Without his mask on he could be literally any Asian American man in the Chicago area.

His drawn persona doesn’t give them much else to work with. Sicheng has mentioned the artist he commissions for his stream screens and persona doodles and emotes is all the same and a close friend of his, probably someone who actually knows what he looks like. Even so, his persona always has pitch black demon-like eyes, a black face mask, black hair and wears a generic layered t-shirt. The eyes always make the expression but it’s impossible to take any sort of information from that when even his gaming persona is almost totally faceless. 

It’s actually kind of crazy when you think about it, that literally anyone who’s cosplayed as Winwin could actually be him. He’s always said not to trust anyone who says they’re Winwin because he doesn’t go to conventions but Johnny has been to more than a few gaming conventions and always wondered. And if he truly doesn’t go, why not?

What stops him from revealing his face?

“I think it’s a great idea!” Kun says, lounging on Sicheng’s couch. Sicheng huffs loudly behind his screen, changing into a different outfit while Jaemin scrolls through the photos displayed on his monitor. “You really should consider making more friends, Chengie. You spend all this time working or trying to not be a person, it’s concerning. Johnny seems nice.” 

“I’m just worried,” he admits, changing into a different panty set. “I really like him, gege, I don’t want to lose a friend over something stupid like this.” The oversized button down he’s wearing slumps a little too far, revealing the sharpness of his collarbones. He brushes his fringe out of the way before stepping out from behind the screen. Jaemin gestures wildly to the bright lights they set up next to his window for the photo shoot. 

“If you lose him, he was never really a friend,” Renjun brushes off. “How many emote slots do you have?” 

“Three,” Sicheng answers as he hops up onto his counter, crossing his legs at the ankle. Kun gets up from his place on the couch to touch up the smeared eyeliner at the corner of Sicheng’s left eye. “I know that,” he responds to Renjun’s other comment as he lifts his eyes to the ceiling until Kun is done. He dusts a little more powder over Sicheng’s forehead and cheeks before stepping away, letting Jaemin in with the camera. 

“I know that Johnny’s one of your closest friends but if he’s actually just a dick in disguise, it’s not really a loss,” Renjun reasons. He turns back to his tablet, opening a new page to start in on Sicheng’s new emote. “But there’s no way to know unless you give it a shot.” 

“Renjunnie, stop talking. Chengie won’t stop frowning,” Jaemin complains. Renjun rolls his eyes as he sketches out the shape for the new emote. Jaemin gets down to a knee to get a better angle of Sicheng as he tilts his chin up, bottom of the button down parted to reveal the lace of his panty set. 

In house photoshoots are so much easier than out of house photoshoots, mostly because there’s so much less to worry about. They have more control over the environment, the lighting, Sicheng isn’t scrambling to make sure he didn’t forget something he has to bring to the shoot. Then there’s the factor of not having to be concerned about someone coming by and watching him. 

His OnlyFans photographic content is usually a bit more safe for work than his videoed content but that doesn’t mean it’s not without its own pitfalls. Nothing is more fun than getting grass where grass definitely does not belong when he did his nude photoshoot in the local park. That was a legal mess as well, getting permission and permits to take those photos. He doesn’t think he’s ever going to do that again. 

There was no intended theme for this shoot so it’s just him, in his apartment, looking cozy. It’s not actually that cozy because it’s getting cooler outside and he’s in a pair of thigh highs, a button down and a pair of boyshorts only but it’s alright. The lights are heating up his apartment plenty and when he gets on the ground for above shots he’s thankful for it. The blanket underneath him is, at least, warm and fuzzy. 

When the shoot is over he can’t actually change because he has plans to make a video in this get-up but he can, at least, wrap himself up in a blanket for the time being. Kun makes him a cup of tea because he loves him and Sicheng grins into the lip of the mug as Renjun turns to show him his early draft while Jaemin goes through the photos. 

“Winwin pout,” Renjun says. Sicheng’s little gaming persona looks so sad with little downturned curves as eyes and shoulders slumped. He doesn’t have a face but he looks sad regardless, something about the way Renjun can capture his essence without much to work with really surprises Sicheng much of the time. “I think he’ll make a cute lil emote.” 

“I agree,” Sicheng mumbles into his tea. 

“He has no face, how do you know he’s pouting?” Jaemin asks from where he’s sitting next to Renjun. 

“It’s a _feeling_ , Jaemin,” Renjun insists. “Look at him, doesn’t he look sad!” He turns the tablet around and shoves it at Jaemin, who goes a little cross eyed as he tries to bring the doodle into focus. 

“I… I mean, I guess.”

Renjun goes back to diligently perfecting the tiny little emoticon while Jaemin shuffles through the photos they took today. Kun sits down on Sicheng’s side with his own tea while Sicheng settles into the cushions. Kun looks over at him and nudges him gently in the side. 

“I think this is a good thing,” Kun assures him. Sicheng offers him a sad smile. “We’re all getting worked up over ‘what-if’s and I don’t think that’s helpful. As your agent and PR person,” Sicheng rolls his eyes emphatically, making Kun chuckle, “I think it’s important you build these relationships with your gaming friends. This is a good first step to opening more doors, making more connections.”

“Yeah, yeah…” Sicheng mumbles, pulling the blanket up to his chin. 

“As your friend,” Kun stresses, resting his head on Sicheng’s shoulder. Sicheng gains just a little bit of smug delight from knowing that while he’s almost two years younger than Kun he’s still got at least two inches on him. “I think it’s good for you to make more friends and find more people to trust. And we’re still operating on the suggestion that the minute Johnny sees your face he’s going to know. That’s just not true. Most likely, he doesn’t even know your OnlyFans exists. Just be his friend, I think that’s a really good place to start.” 

The later in the year it gets the cooler it becomes and also the sooner Johnny gets to moving back to Chicago. He’s lucky he planned in advance because it means he’ll be home for the winter holidays, which his parents are just ecstatic about. It’s been years since he was able to be home for Thanksgiving, which usually meant weird but extremely loving brunches with his friends in L.A., all of them trying to pack into Johnny and Taeil’s place. He’s pretty excited, to say the least, but he’s not excited about trudging boxes and furniture up from his rented Uhaul into his new third floor apartment. 

“I think that’s everything,” Taeyong says, dropping the last box on the table. He throws himself down in Johnny’s favorite recliner a second later while Johnny glances over his shoulder with a little smile. “Jesus Christ, dude. When did you get so much stuff?”

“I lived in L.A. for three years, I was bound to accumulate stuff,” Johnny points out to his old friend. Taeyong rolls his eyes as he gets to his feet again. 

The apartment is spacious for being a one bed, one bath and it’s in a decent neighborhood. Sicheng said a friend of his lives in the same building and that if he ever needs some help to give him a call. Johnny thinks he knows him, Kun, one of Sicheng’s mods as well as his agent, in charge of handling his sponsorships (of which there is only one but it’s still one more than Johnny) and other affiliate things. It’s a nice place and it’s going to be even nicer once he manages to get it together. 

It’s a little weird to be living on his own again. After meeting Taeil they had moved in together almost immediately, what with both of them needing a roommate, their leases almost being up. It’s a great apartment but he just has this feeling that living alone is going to take some getting used to. Just as well, he doesn’t know that he could handle another roommate so soon after moving out of his apartment with Taeil.

The tears were minimal but Hyuck was over-dramatic as always. Johnny drove all 2000 miles by himself in his box truck Uhaul, wishing all his friends back in L.A. the best. Overall, most of his friends are scattered across the U.S. rather than in one singular area due to his line of work but there were still a few people he had to say goodbye to. And then he was off, only to get surprised at his parent’s house by his high school best friend waiting there for him. 

Lee Taeyong remains one of his best and closest friends despite the distance put between them. He might be one of the only people from high school Johnny still speaks to, actually. Northridge was rich with white conservatives and Republicans, meaning that the few Asian queers who did live there had to stick together. Taeyong was a little like his parent’s second child and there is no one in this world Johnny would rather have waiting for him for his homecoming. 

Graciously, Taeyong had offered to help Johnny move when he realized he was on his own. His parents offered as well but he’d prefer his mother not throw something out by trying to carry any of his gaming equipment up two flights of stairs. Taeyong was a God sent, much as he had been most of their high school career. 

“I’m ordering-in, what do you want?” Taeyong asks, hopping up on Johnny’s kitchen counter. Johnny gives him a soft, fond smile. 

“You can’t do that, you’re a guest.” 

“Call it my house warming gift and be done with it. What do you want,” he insists, poking Johnny in the chest, hard. 

“I don’t care. I don’t even know what’s good out here.” 

“Oh, Johnny,” Taeyong states, a brightness to his eyes that Johnny has sorely missed. “Take it from a street rat such as myself, I know all the good eateries now. What are you in the mood for?” 

“Please tell me you have a greasy Chinese place on speed dial.” 

“You got it.”

One Grubhub order and 40 minutes later Johnny is feasting on what Taeyong insisted was some of the best Chinese Chicago has to offer in this neighborhood. They eat off the lids and use the shitty disposable chopsticks given to them because it’s too much effort to unwrap all of Johnny’s kitchen supplies. They’re literally sitting in the middle of his living room around his coffee table because he still doesn’t have a kitchen table. 

“So when are you gonna tell me about the boyfriend?” Johnny asks, popping another piece of General Tso’s in his mouth. Taeyong shifts back to lean against his recliner, lid in his lap as he pushes lo mein around. “C’mon, man,” Johnny complains, mouth full. He finishes chewing, swallows and then leans towards his friend. “All this time later and you’re not gonna tell me about your beau? We’re finally living our best lives, let me in.” 

“His name is Kun. He lives in this building, actually,” Taeyong admits softly. Johnny shifts back a bit, a crease in his brow. 

“Kun? Qian Kun?” Taeyong nods hesitantly. “Shit, small world. He’s my friend’s agent. Maybe you met him, Sicheng?” 

“Chengie, yeah!” Taeyong tells him with a grin. “Oh my God, well, yeah, Kun’s my boyfriend. He’s great,” he says, voice going all soft and gooey around the edges. Johnny watches his friend’s face transform into one of utter fondness as he talks about his boyfriend. “He’s really dedicated to his job, jobs I guess since he works with Sicheng as well. He’s a secretary as his day job but he likes it. We actually met because I dropped by with these flowers, you remember that florist I said I got hired with last year?” Johnny nods eagerly. “Yeah, well, I was on a delivery when I met him at the desk.” 

“Very meet-cute.” 

Taeyong blushes high in his cheeks as he giggles. 

“Yeah, I guess. I gave him the flowers and couldn’t stop stuttering or blushing. He told me later he thought it was cute but I was so embarrassed.” 

“You’re always cute,” Johnny states, pushing chicken out of the way to eat the broccoli in the corner of the container. “You always have been. Tell me when you started dating, I’m on the edge of my seat here, Yong.” 

“Oh, God, I did something stupid,” Taeyong admits and Johnny lifts a brow. “I kept ordering flowers and delivering them to the front desk telling them they were for him for like… two weeks before he found me out. I’m so fucking awkward, Johnny, I turned as red a tomato when he offered me a tip and it was his phone number!” 

“Aw, cute!” Johnny cheers, grinning widely. 

“I felt so dumb! The note told me to text him so I did and we went on our first date that Friday. He’s so great, Johnny,” Taeyong insists, smiling softly. “He’s so good to me, all the time and even when he’s busy or can’t do something he’ll come by after with dinner or dessert or whatever. He makes so much time for me and I love him. He’s so great.” 

“I’m so happy for you, Yongie,” Johnny tells him. “For real, it is so nice to see you with someone you like so much. He seems good for you.” 

“He is,” Taeyong insists. “But that’s enough about me. You didn’t say anything when we had dinner with your parents so what hearts have you been breaking all this time, John Suh?” Taeyong asks, slurping up a noodle afterward. Johnny rolls his eyes as he munches on another piece of broccoli. 

“None. I mean,” he pauses to swallow, “I had someone for like almost a year out there but he broke up with me, said it was my job, I never had enough time for him… whatever. Maybe I didn’t, I was still getting a grasp on the whole youtuber and streamer thing so, it sucked at first but ultimately, it was fine. I’ve mostly been flying solo, nothing really came up.” 

“What about now?” Taeyong asks. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Do you have time now?” He suggests. Johnny hums as he thinks it over. 

Maybe. Probably. He has a much better grasp on his job and how to manage it. His time spent filming and streaming and editing is still something that takes up much of his life but there are spaces for something else now. He could maybe handle a relationship. But…

“I guess. But I’m not really looking,” Johnny admits. “Especially with the move I kind of just want to get back on track. If something comes up… I guess I’ll consider it but it’s not really anything I’m actively interested in.” 

“Well you know what they say,” Taeyong comments and Johnny lifts a brow. “It only happens when you’re not looking for it.” 

Between the two of them they’re able to clean up dinner and put together Johnny’s bed so he doesn’t have to sleep on the floor for his first night in his new apartment. He sees Taeyong out, who insists he’ll only be walking down a flight of stairs, planning on crashing with his boyfriend. Johnny waves him out anyway and then falls into his bed. 

He surfs the internet for a little while, bouncing between socials before he remembers. He opens Discord to send a quick DM.

 **johnnysuhgames**  
hey, i just moved in. if you’re still down for lunch just let me know!

The moments between the send button and Sicheng’s reply are excruciating. Almost immediately there are dots indicating that Sicheng is typing. There’s a few seconds where the dots pop up and then disappear and then pop up again. He chews on the inside of his lip as he waits for a reply. 

**allidois_winwin**  
sure. i’m not sure yet but i’ll dm you when i have a day. 

**johnnysuhgames**  
yeah, of course. no rush.

Johnny’s not quite sure why but he struggles to sleep that night, his heart racing in his chest. 

Sicheng waits a week before getting back to Johnny about it. Nerves, fear, he’s not quite sure but he stops by one of Johnny’s streams in the meantime. 

It’s his first stream in his new place and Sicheng drops by to moderate. It’s kind of an unspoken agreement between them all that they have mod powers in each other’s chats. Johnny is solo streaming Forager tonight and he sent a message in the Discord server that if anyone wanted to mod it was an open invitation. Sicheng doesn’t have anything planned right now so he jumps online to check it out. 

Forager is one of those sandbox, crafting video games that kind of have an endgame but not really. Despite it being originally a PC release it was never really the kind of thing Sicheng was into. He’s always been more into story or combat driven games, League and Overwatch being a couple of his favorites. Even still, Forager is a fun looking game for people who want a casual game without too much pressure and Johnny’s commentary does more than enough to make it interesting. 

“I really just left my shit everywhere, huh?” Johnny is saying as Sicheng gets into the stream. There’s a small smattering of greetings from others, mostly from his friends and Johnny’s mods. “This is why my Stardew farm looks so garbage, I’m terrible at organizing literally anything,” he moans as his little character wanders around, chopping down trees and pickaxing rocks. 

Johnny’s eyes dart around in his facecam. Sicheng settles in with his tea and his blanket as Johnny goes around his business. Just a few seconds go by before his eyes light up, as animated as ever. 

“Oh, Winwin! Hi!” He greets. “What’s up, man.” 

Sicheng types a short greeting before getting comfortable again. Johnny’s chats are usually pretty comfortable. There’s always a few out of pocket viewers, some mouthy backseaters but overall modding for Johnny is easy. He’s also just extremely likable, very kind, super personable. Even if the game isn’t exactly to their liking a lot of Johnny’s viewers will drop by just to see him, hear him talk, things like that. 

It helps that Johnny is handsome. This is a fact. Sicheng has met many a gamer in his life but not all of them are as painfully attractive as Johnny is. He likes to think that’s why his brain sometimes goes off the rails a bit, he’s just distracted by how handsome Johnny is, but he knows that’s not true. 

Sicheng’s little inkling of a crush is not due entirely to how handsome Johnny is and that might just be the worst part. 

The stream goes on for about four hours. Sicheng leaves for a bit and comes back to see him still going about his business. His sprawling structure situation has gotten a bit bigger the time since he left and he scrolls through the chat. Johnny is talking nonsense about his move because that is, apparently, on everyone’s mind. This is to be expected as this is his first stream since his move.

“I’m in a decent neighborhood. I linked up with a friend when I got here and a different friend of mine helped me out with finding a place to live and all that so… it’s been good,” he assures the chat, character running about on screen. “My apartment is… small,” he chuckles. “It’s a one bedroom so don’t come rob me, please. I may be big but I am very afraid of everything. I don’t have Taeil to protect me anymore,” he jokes, a grin coming onto his features. 

“Hold- hold on. I’m about to die,” he says, running in a wide circle to avoid the boss monster coming after him in the void. “Oh God. Oh God, oh man. Fuck, fuck, don’t- okay, we’re good. Ah, but to answer your question,” Johnny says, his little dude running around the outside of the platform to avoid getting swarmed, “it’s great to be back in Chicago. It’s a great city and much of my teendom I figured I would stay here and it wasn’t until I went to UCLA that I decided otherwise. I just went to L.A…. never left. Which you can assume my parents fucking loved,” he jokes with a little laugh. “But I love Chicago, I’ve always loved Chicago. It’s my original stomping grounds so I’m excited. I missed it… y’know, a little bit.” 

Sicheng, in comparison, has never left Chicago and it’s refreshing to hear Johnny talk about it so fondly. Sicheng grew up in the inner city in comparison to Johnny who grew up about 30 minutes north so their experiences are a little different but they share the same love of the city. It’s nice to find that in someone and Sicheng slumps down in his chair, casting a long glance over at his Discord window. 

**allidois_winwin**  
i caught the end of your stream. you made it a hell of a lot farther than i thought you might first go in the void.

 **allidois_winwin**  
also, i have some free time coming up in the next few days. we can do that lunch we keep meaning to. what day works best for you?

Johnny loiters around the front of the Potbelly’s, waiting for Sicheng. It’s cold enough now that he can see his breath. It’s only early November but the Midwest has always been especially unforgiving like that. He slouches a little further into his jacket as he waits, keeping his eyes peeled as he glances up and down the street for his friend. Not that he knows what he’s looking for. 

He kind of hopes Sicheng rolls up covering half of his face so he can, at least, get acclimated to seeing him in the flesh. It’s a weird kind of hope but it’s still kind of a strange situation. He doesn’t really know what he’s supposed to be looking out for, especially since the only photo he’s seen of Sicheng actually showed very little. His stomach is all tied up in knots at the very prospect of getting to meet his friend after such a long time only hearing his voice. 

“Johnny?” A voice says. It’s deep, warm and features the slightly lilt of an accent. He turns towards it and realizes why he missed Sicheng’s arrival entirely. 

He’s shrouded in a heavy coat, scarf and wearing a black face mask over most of his face. His hair is longer now, falling over his forehead in a cute little curve, parted just off-center. The almond shaped monolid eyes are the same though and Johnny steps towards him with a smile, something he’s not entirely certain is viewable with his own too-big scarf around his neck.

“Sicheng?” He replies. The masked figure nods, eyes squinting up a bit to suggest he’s smiling. “Hey. You ready?” He asks, pulling a mittened hand out of his pocket to gesture to the restaurant. Sicheng nods enthusiastically and Johnny reaches for the door pulling it open for him. Sicheng nods once, mumbling a thank you behind his mask and then Johnny comes in behind him. 

Potbelly’s is a sandwich shop so it’s an ‘order at the counter and pick it up before going to your seat’ situation. Sicheng carefully pulls himself apart in front of Johnny, taking his gloves and scarf off, shoving them in the pockets of his coat, one of the tasseled ends of his scarf dripping out of his pocket. Johnny does the same but notices Sicheng keeps his mask on even as he orders his food. The person behind the counter doesn’t even blink as Sicheng does. 

He did mention he comes to his location a lot since it’s right by their apartment buildings. He probably comes here a lot with Kun or some of his other friends, the employees might actually recognize him with his mask on. 

“Is this together or separate?” The employee asks when Johnny steps up behind Sicheng. So close to him Johnny realizes there isn’t actually much of a height difference between the two of them, two inches maybe? Sicheng is a lot taller than he expected him to be. 

“Together,” Johnny answers before Sicheng can speak. Sicheng turns to him and Johnny offers him a shy smile. “I mean, it was my idea. The least I can do is pay.” 

“Alright,” Sicheng sighs but he sounds put-upon, much the way Taeil used to when Johnny would insist on paying for most of their meals. Johnny grins as he orders his food and then offers his card to the girl behind the counter as their sandwiches are made. 

There’s a bit of tension between the two of them as they wait for their food to be made. It’s clear they don’t really know what to say to each other and it’s broken only by the call for their food. Sicheng gets them a corner booth, an excellent choice in Johnny’s opinion, and they sit down, ridding themselves of their coats as soon as they do so. 

Sicheng’s build becomes clear as his coat comes off. He’s wearing a cardigan but even so it’s evident that his shoulders are quite broad, in comparison to his thin build. Johnny caught a glimpse of his legs as they walked in, long but strong looking and when he puts his hands on the table Johnny notes how big his hands are, with long, slender fingers. It’s kind of funny how much there is to take in when he’s already known Sicheng for so long. 

It’s still awkward so Johnny searches for something to break the silence. He glances down and finds that something immediately. 

“Multigrain, huh?” Johnny asks. 

“Uh… yeah?” Sicheng replies, folding his hands in front of him. “What about it?”

“Nothing. I just think you can learn a lot about a person from the kind of bread they eat,” Johnny states casually as he unwraps his sandwich. Sicheng’s eyes narrow minutely, as though unsure what to make of that statement. 

“I mean… I guess? It’s not that different from yourself, you got wheat.” 

“Because I know the pitfalls of white but you only get multigrain if you’re really concerned about your health. Or you like seeds in your bread, I dunno,” Johnny points out. Sicheng tilts his head. With his mask still on it’s hard to be sure what Sicheng thinks of this topic of conversation. 

“Are you judging me?” Sicheng asks.

“Well, you didn’t ask for avocado so no.” 

“Would you have judged me if I had?” Sicheng shoots back, brows lifting. 

“Of course! You don’t get avo on a Potbelly sandwich, that’s wrong!” Johnny insists. Maybe his opinions on what does and doesn’t go on a Potbelly sandwich are a little strong but he’s still a Chicagoan at heart and that’s his right. “I may have lived in California for almost seven years but I’m not out of my mind yet.” 

“I didn’t disagree with you!” Sicheng points out. “Potbelly’s is sacred and should be treated as such,” he insists, eyes squinting up at the corners again. Johnny grins to himself.

“So are you going to eat through osmosis or…?” Johnny teases, making Sicheng sigh and roll his eyes. 

His hands come up and carefully tug the strings of the mask over his ears and off his face. Johnny takes a moment to notice the peculiar little point of Sicheng’s right ear, elf-like, and then focuses on his face as a whole. 

Somehow seeing his face makes Johnny even more confused. He has an oval shaped face, a soft jaw and pretty, plump lips. His nose is rounded, well suited to the shape of his face and straight. His eyes are evenly spaced, complimented by his strong brows and he lifts a finger to flick his fringe away from his left eye. He’s handsome, extremely so. Johnny is actually kind of struck by just how handsome, maybe even pretty, Sicheng is. There’s a few moments where Johnny just looks at him and notices too late, once Sicheng has already shrunk down in his seat.

“What?” Sicheng mumbles, hands falling off the table to rest in his lap. He’s, apparently, very good at making himself look small, scrunching down in his seat. “Why are you looking at me like that?” 

“Like what?” Johnny asks once he snaps out of his stupor. “I’m not looking at you like anything,” he brushes off, turning to his meal. “I guess I just… I didn’t really know what I expected, but you’re really handsome, Sicheng,” he says, voice going soft as he says it. He glances up to see Sicheng straightening up again, a soft blush across his cheeks. 

“Thanks, Johnny,” Sicheng mumbles. “So you’re not disappointed,” he jokes, tucking the paper of the sandwich wrapper out of the way. 

“Did you think I would be?” Johnny replies. 

“I don’t know,” Sicheng says, honestly. “I guess I just expected you guys to have a bit of an expectation as to what I might look like.” As he speaks Johnny finds he has to get used to that mouth making the shape of his words, the tone of voice that’s coming from that face. His brain stutters before resetting to get used to it. Sicheng is, actually, very pretty and it doesn’t quite match up with the image in his brain, his deeper tone of voice juxtaposing the softness of his features. “I guess I was just worried you would be disappointed or something, like I’m not what you wanted to see.” 

“Sicheng, you’re my friend,” Johnny says gently. Sicheng lifts his eyes hesitantly. “I don’t care. I mean… of course I care, like about you and what you think about yourself but like, in terms of what you look like all that matters is what you feel about it. You’re still a friend of mine and you were a friend of mine long before I saw you in person. You’re a good dude and that’s all that matters, y’know?” 

“Yeah. Thanks, Johnny.” 

“So,” Johnny says, reaching for his hot coffee. Sicheng still can’t believe he ordered a coffee with his sandwich. “After this, what do you say we wander around for a bit. I’m dying to know all the intricacies of Winwin that no one else has ever had the privilege of knowing.” 

“That’s suggesting you’re gonna get all my secrets so soon, Johnny,” Sicheng replies, a little smirk coming over his lips. Johnny likes this, being able to put a facial expression to all of Sicheng’s little tonal inflections. “But I think I can share a few with you,” he teases, taking a bite of his sandwich. 

Lunch is a lot more pleasant after that. Johnny gets used to hearing Sicheng talk, matching up all his conversational ticks with gestures to go with it.

He tugs on his ear when he gets nervous, smile turning into a tight line like the grimace emoji. His eyes pinch up into little crescents when he’s really happy, cheeks rounding out cutely. He has a habit of running a hand through his hair, much like Johnny does. He talks with his hands, which makes Johnny wonder how often he’s thrown his controller around when he’s annoyed with them in-game. Johnny rests an elbow on the table, chin in hand as Sicheng tells him a story about Renjun, his artist friend who draws all his persona art. 

“Am I boring you?” Sicheng quips, taking a sip from his Sprite as Johnny smiles at him from across the table. 

“Not at all,” Johnny assures him. “Just getting used to this, I guess. Not to be weird but the novelty hasn’t really worn off yet,” Johnny admits, glancing away shyly. 

“I’m really not that special, I promise,” Sicheng insists. “But you wanted to wander around, right? Let’s go,” Sicheng suggests, pulling his coat back on. 

“Where?” 

“I dunno, around? There’s a park not far and they have a really sick funnel cake and donut food truck on the other side from here,” he suggests. Johnny’s eyes light up at the mention of funnel cake. Sicheng grins at him. “Let’s go.” 

Throwing their trash away at the door, they pull themselves back together, stepping out into the frosty November afternoon. It’s only two but the sun is threatening to slant golden, as it tends to do this time of the year. Sicheng pulls his gloves on and wraps his scarf around his neck but Johnny notices his mask remains off. He’s not sure why but a little warm bundle of something lodges itself in his chest knowing Sicheng feels comfortable with him like that. 

The park is about five blocks away and Sicheng directs him down the sidewalk towards it. Johnny thinks to pull out his phone but Sicheng clearly doesn’t feel the same, seems to know where he’s going. Johnny trusts him and keeps his phone in his pocket as he tucks his mitten hands back in his coat pockets. Sicheng looks at him when they reach a crosswalk and Johnny starts a little when he glances and finds Sicheng already looking at him. 

“What?” He asks, a little self conscious. 

“You’re more handsome in person,” he tells him, casually. Johnny’s eyes widen. He misses the light change for them, almost tripping over himself to keep up with Sicheng as he walks across the street. 

“Uhm, thank you?” Johnny replies. Sicheng laughs as he reaches the opposite sidewalk, Johnny falling back in step with him. “You kind of, uh, caught me off guard there,” he comments. 

“Just something I noticed,” he admits. 

It is something he noticed. He didn’t think to say anything because the tension was so weird and awkward in the restaurant but it’s very evident now. Not only does video sometimes distort someone a little bit but when he streams Johnny’s facecam is usually not very big to avoid getting in the way of the gameplay. Johnny is very handsome and even though Sicheng intrinsically knew this it still caught him a little off guard upon seeing him for the first time in person. 

“Well, thanks,” Johnny replies. “You said you’re from Chicago, right?” Johnny asks, changing the subject and Sicheng nods. “The inner city?” 

“Yeah. I actually grew up not too far from here,” he admits. “I’ve always lived in Chicago. My first apartment was one of those really shitty group housing situations where there’s like four people all living in the same apartment and you have to share all the common areas. After I got streaming and started making real money I moved out into the place I have now. I like it a lot, actually. I’ve always really loved Chicago because even if you’ve lived in one place your whole life you can see new people every day. Never gets boring.” 

Maybe that was the problem, when Johnny thought about it. He lived outside of the city, not in it, so he never really felt the pull to stay in the area. Living in the city properly is going to be a lot different, he thinks. 

“So you went to school here too?” Johnny asks. 

He’s probing for information, absolutely. He doesn’t want to be nosy but it’s a good place to lay groundwork. For all the time that he’s known Sicheng there’s still not a whole lot of actual information he has on him. Sicheng looks at him from the corner on his eye with a little sly smile on his face like he knows what Johnny is looking for, and he probably does. But he doesn’t comment, only burrows a little further into his scarf and nods.

“Yeah, I went to a liberal arts college here. It’s one of those smaller ones way out on the edge of the city, next to the cornfields and shit,” he jokes, making Johnny laugh. “I got in for dance but I started hating it, dancing. I stayed in the program but switched majors my sophomore year and started taking computer programming instead. I found it so interesting and I loved getting competitive about it with my friends and classmates over who could make a better program. I’ve always loved gaming so I thought maybe I could find a job in the field if I took the classes but I was working website management for a company instead when I graduated. It was so boring but the pay was decent so I didn’t leave until I started pursuing streaming full time.” 

That’s a lot of information for Johnny to take in all at once but he latches onto the first one that implanted itself into his mind the second Sicheng said it.

“You’re a dancer?” He asks. Sicheng laughs, full and warm. It’s a great sound, even better when Johnny can see his face scrunch up with happiness. 

“Oh my God, of course you caught that one. Yeah,” Sicheng confirms. “I’ve been dancing practically my whole life. I started doing self choreographed stuff in my living room when I was, like, three. My parents enrolled me in dance classes when I started school but they always said grades come first. It wasn’t until they heard that I could get a scholarship for it that they took it seriously. Kind of for naught since I changed majors but I still dance sometimes with some friends from college.” 

“So you still like it?” Johnny asks. Sicheng nods. He steps off the beaten path and Johnny follows him instinctively. This path walks them down a dirt path rather than the paved one but Sicheng doesn’t pay it any mind, just pulls an overgrown branch out of the way for Johnny to follow him. 

“Without the pressure of college, I love it,” Sicheng admits with a grin. “Dancing has always kinds of been my happy place. I made a lot of great friends in the dance program that I still talk to so it was worth it, I suppose.” 

Sicheng doesn’t mention how his friends in the dance program are how he found out about nude photography and camboy work. Ten and Yuta reached out to him about it when he mentioned he was having some financial issues, money for food, books, things like that. Back then it was a little more difficult to get a good paycheck through sites but it was still a hell of a lot more lucrative than anything else a college student could do. He owes a lot to Ten and Yuta for that, still works with them on occasion because they’re his best friends and best partners. 

“So you’re a dancing computer programmer who streams video games for a living?” Johnny asks as they begin walking down the path. 

_And runs an OnlyFans on the side,_ something deep in the back of his mind says. He chooses to ignore it. 

“I guess, yeah,” Sicheng agrees. “I’m a multi faceted human, Suh, didn’t you know?” he teases as he steps around rocks and kicks pieces of tree branches out of their way. 

“It’s just new, I guess,” he says, “getting to know this side of you.” 

“I’m just a person,” Sicheng shrugs off. “I know I seem like a League playing bot most of the time,” he jokes, making Johnny laugh warmly, “but I promise I’m not. I just love gaming. S’fun.” 

“I agree,” Johnny replies. “Hey, do you mind if I post about this? I don’t have to show your face or anything but like… this is fun,” he explains and Sicheng nods slowly. “It’s nice to meet new people back home and I just wanna remember it. If you don’t want me to-” 

“It’s fine,” Sicheng cuts him off, getting a soft look in reply. “You know I really appreciate you asking me for permission and stuff but as long as it’s not showing my face I’m totally cool with you talking about me. We’re friends, right? That’s what you said?” 

Sicheng leads him out of the path and back towards the sidewalk. Johnny can smell the food truck and the sun is actually slanting now, casting golden beams of light across the frosted ground. It’s so early in the day for it to feel so late but that’s November for you. Sicheng turns to face him head on, walking backwards towards the sidewalk.

The sun slants high above them and when Sicheng turns his head Johnny gets to watch the golden beams of light turn his eyes liquid gold and his long lashes cast shadows diagonally across his cheeks. He looks especially stunning like this and something fills Johnny’s stomach. Something both warm and hard at the same time. He doesn’t know what it is yet but it’s there and it feels permanent. 

“Yeah,” Johnny agrees, lengthening his stride to catch up. “‘Course. Now if you really want to pay me back, you can get me an elephant ear,” he tells him. Sicheng barks a laugh and nods his head to the food truck, steaming away in front of them where it’s parked on the street. 

Being friends with someone who only knows about half of your career is kind of weird, Sicheng realizes shortly.

Ever since he started hanging out with Johnny he’s found himself smiling a hell of a lot more. It’s stupid reasons, like Johnny texted him about this restaurant he wants to try, or Johnny drops by after his stream with dinner because Sicheng mentioned not having eaten, or just casual texts like, “you’re so good at League, what the fuck, man?” They’re not deep, they don’t really go anywhere but it’s nice to be acknowledged. Sicheng assumes it’s just the butterflies of a new, really good friendship, being able to let Johnny a little further into his bubble than he has before but it’s hard to tell. 

But he also feels extremely guilty half the time. 

He’s calling off lunches or dinners because he has a shoot or a filming or whatever and he always says, “ah, it’s just this thing I have to do,” or “just this thing I promised a friend I would do,” which are only half truths and he hates that he’s lying. Johnny has turned into a great friend of his but trying to balance time with Johnny as just the gaming half of Sicheng while hiding away the whole other piece of himself is hard. And stressful. 

“I think you should tell him,” Ten says, lying across Sicheng’s bed, playing back the video. Sicheng turns away from the way they sound on the video, all heavy panting and raspy moans. He doesn’t understand why Ten insists on watching it back immediately after filming but he doubts he ever will so he chooses not to ask. “What’s the worst that could happen?” He asks, rolling over onto his back and lifting the camera above his head. 

“He stops talking to me?” Sicheng points out. Ten gives him a sharp look from the corner of his eye. “You can lecture me all you want about how ‘losing someone who doesn’t like all of you isn’t really a loss’ but it would still suck. As long as he doesn’t know it doesn’t matter, right? He can’t hate me if he doesn’t know all of me.”

“That’s a terrible philosophy,” Ten reminds him. Sicheng shakes his head, taking a sip of his water. Ten rolls back over on his stomach, closing the viewfinder of the camera and slithering across the bed to get to his friend. He bats at the back of Sicheng’s thigh until he meets his eyes. “Get down here, I’m gonna hug you.” 

“Don’t touch me,” Sicheng replies, stepping further away so Ten can’t even swat at him. Ten frowns, nearly pouting, at him. “You just had your cock inside of me, don’t make that face. You’ve touched me plenty.” 

“Haven’t you heard of aftercare?” Ten replies, flopping over onto his side to squish his face in Sicheng’s bedding. Sicheng rolls his eyes at him. Ten’s face is absolutely pitiful and Sicheng is nothing if not empathetic so he sets his water down and gets back into bed with him. 

Ten’s face lights up and he lays himself over Sicheng, head on his chest. It’s still a little too much touching for his comfort but it’s not terrible. Ten doesn’t even squirm around like he’s wont to do around Yuta or Kun, lying perfectly still with his head on Sicheng’s chest. It’s not so bad like this. Sicheng even rests a hand on Ten’s shoulder. 

“I still think you should just be honest with him,” Ten insists. Sicheng huffs. “Hear me out. Jaehyun thinks what I do is weird but he still loves me. It’s not exactly the same thing but it’s close. He knows that even if I perform for a camera or my subs or whatever I’m still climbing into his bed at the end of the day. Even though I share my body with you and Yuta he’s still the one who’s got my heart or whatever.” Sicheng huffs shaking his head at Ten’s wording. “I love him. And I know Johnny’s just your friend but like, it’s the same principle. Your body is your body and if he has a problem with how you want to use it that sounds like a him problem. But from all you’ve said about him, he just doesn’t seem the type.” 

“I don’t think he is,” Sicheng admits. “But like… what if, y’know.”

“Well, I can’t tell you what to do but you said he was planning on streaming today, right?” Sicheng nods, brow creasing. “It’s already almost five, baby.” 

“Fuck!” 

Sicheng rolls out from underneath his friend, almost knocking him off his bed entirely. Ten laughs instead of getting annoyed. Sicheng starts throwing his sweats off, looking around for something decent to wear instead. Ten watches as he does so, chin in his hands while he kicks his feet around in the air. 

“No, your dark wash! They make your butt look good!” Ten insists. Sicheng turns to level him with a glare. “Just because he’s not your boyfriend doesn’t mean you shouldn’t at least look nice.” 

“Johnny doesn’t care what my butt looks like,” Sicheng comments. He thinks.

He wears them anyway.

Ever since their lunch he and Johnny have been hanging out a lot in person, yes, but they’ve also been making regular appearances on each other’s socials. After their day out Johnny posted a few photos on his insta, one of the Potbelly’s logo, the elephant ear Sicheng bought him and the last one being of Sicheng from the back, throwing a peace sign over his shoulder. His face is completely hidden but Johnny had tagged him in the post. Sicheng had made a post or two on his Winwin socials tagging Johnny as well and fans have been eating it up. It’s been kind of cute, actually, the way fans have started calling them Johnwin on the internet, a little splice of their names for their relationship. 

Sicheng promised to stop by Johnny’s place after he was done with his other things (four hours of photography in three different sets with Jaemin, a solo shoot and a paired shoot with Ten) to hang out during his stream. He didn’t have to be there but they were planning on ordering-in from a new Thai place that just popped up down the street (even Ten gave it a seal of approval, which is what convinced Sicheng it might actually be worth it). Johnny was going to start streaming at five, Sicheng and Ten’s shoot had accidentally run a little late, turning into Sicheng running around, trying to get dressed quickly. 

His pair of butt-shaping dark washed jeans, a henley and his converse later and he’s yelling at Ten to let himself out. 

“Have fun! Make good choices!” Ten shouts after him. Sicheng closes his door a little bit harder than entirely necessary as he heads out. 

All of the apartment complexes in this neighbourhood are more or less in one big clump so he walks there. It’s still light enough that he’s not too worried about it but it’s still fucking cold out. His nose and cheeks are red as he runs up the stairs of the complex to get up to Johnny’s floor. He’s just above Kun and to the right so Sicheng’s practically already memorized where his apartment is, snatching the spare key from above Johnny’s doorway to let himself in. 

“Hey, you start without me?!” Sicheng yells as he comes into the apartment. 

“I said five!” Johnny shouts back. There’s some murmuring that tells Sicheng that he’s talking to the chat and Sicheng kicks his shoes off, dons a mask from the depths of his messenger bag and heads into Johnny’s bedroom. He’s already well into the beginning of Shadows of the Damned when he gets into the room, throwing himself up onto Johnny’s bed, out of view of the camera. “He’s here,” Johnny jokes, tucked into his little corner of the room, Xbox controller in his hand. 

Johnny’s bedroom is set up in kind of a strange manner but it works best for what he needs it for. His gaming setup is in the corner of the room adjacent to his door, desk against the wall, while his bed is in the opposite corner, across from his door. His setup and camera actually faces his closet door, which is currently empty but used to be draped with a Gryffindor tapestry in his old place. Sicheng is counting the days until he finally stops being lazy and puts it back up. 

“I told you I might be late, you should’ve waited,” Sicheng complains even though he doesn’t mean it at all. Johnny laughs loudly, leaning back in his seat to look at him. Sicheng can see the screen and camera from his position but it cannot see him. Even still, he keeps his mask on, just in case. 

“Shadows of the Damned waits for no man.” 

“I can’t believe you haven’t played Shadows yet,” Sicheng admits, pulling his laptop from his messenger bag. “It came out forever ago and it’s so good! Even I finished the game.” 

“If you can believe it, I used to be PS only before I started getting properly into gaming,” he says, turning back to the screen. 

“Wasn’t it on PS3? Or am I making that up?”

“Hell if I know. I’m already in Hell though, so excuse me a second. Also chat says hi.” 

Sicheng rolls off the bed to get closer. He reaches for the mic, pulling it closer. He glances to make sure he’s still out of frame, and Johnny doesn’t even flinch as his mic is moved around in front of him. 

“Hi, chat. How are you?” He asks, leaning slightly towards the mic. “Pay no mind to the eldritch horror on the bed, just pretend I’m not even here.” Johnny snorts as he duck and rolls past some demons to avoid getting hit. Sicheng moves the mic back into place and heads back over to the nest he’s building on Johnny’s bed. “How long do you plan on streaming?”

“I dunno yet,” Johnny admits. “I heard it’s a pretty short game so we’ll see.” His eyes dart around, looking at the two different monitors he has set up, including his chat. Sicheng opens his computer to check in on Johnny’s stream and mod from his bed.

“It’s not really my kind of game but I asked around for game suggestions since I don’t have any plans and Taeil and Winwin both suggested this one,” he tells his chat. “It seems cool and it definitely has the vibes of a Resident Evil game so I’m not mad about that. It also controls pretty nicely. If it looks like Garcia’s moving weirdly it’s probably me and not the game.” Sicheng snorts from the bed. “Hey, I heard that!” Johnny says, glancing over his shoulder. “The jokes are very early 2010s though, that definitely kind of gives away the age of the game. It plays well though, the graphics are a lot better than some others from this time period.” 

Overall, there isn’t a whole lot of conversation between the two of them. There generally won’t be when Johnny’s mostly talking to chat or trying not to die in-game. He does an alright job of it, his health gets low a few times but he plays casually for this reason exactly. Johnny, for being a streamer, doesn’t play games for the action or the combat, but he finds the stories really interesting, and the actual gameplay keeps him interested. Sicheng finds that valiant when he mostly plays for the feeling of accomplishment.

They all have their reasons. 

Sicheng keeps an eye on the chat while checking around his other socials. He even glimpses Johnny to make sure he’s still busy before checking in on his OnlyFans. He doesn’t have any uploads planned for today but he did post the new album from a couple of weeks ago yesterday. It’s gotten some good feedback, a few downloads and brought in a handful of new subs. He nests back in the blankets a little more before closing out and going back to the chat. 

“Hey,” Johnny says about three hours in. Sicheng lifts his head to look at him. “You wanna order and when it gets here I’ll find a place to stop?” 

“Sure,” Sicheng agrees easily. “You sure you wanna end, I can wait.” 

“It’s fine, I’ve been going for almost three and a half hours. By the time the food gets here it’ll be four, no big deal.” 

“Alright. Don’t die,” he suggests before getting up from the bed. 

“Yeah, I’ll try my best,” Johnny replies with a grin. Sicheng winks before walking out of the bedroom with his laptop, setting it up on the kitchen island to order in. From the kitchen he can hear Johnny talking to the chat. 

“Winwin and I? Yeah, we started hanging out when I moved and we’ve just been chilling a lot lately. It’s nice because neither of us have a whole lot of friends we see regularly so we’ve been seeing each other like all the time. It’s kind of crazy how easy we just started getting on. I’d definitely call him one of my closest friends now. Shut up, Taeil, I’m not replacing you.” 

Sicheng smiles softly to himself as he orders, poking his head in when it’s been sent and the time it should be there. Johnny shoots him a thumbs up and then Sicheng it out in the main room again, this time getting cozy on Johnny’s sofa, wrapped in a throw blanket, waiting for the food to arrive. 

Johnny wraps up as the food arrives, looking for someone to raid as Sicheng unpacks the food. He’s out in five minutes, helping Sicheng with the food. He puts a couple of glasses of water on the counter and then huffs a laugh when he looks at Sicheng. He reaches over, gently removing the loops from around Sicheng’s ears. His eyes snap upward as the mask is removed from his face. Johnny sets the cloth mask aside, pushing the glass towards him. 

“I don’t know how you planned on eating with that on,” he teases. Sicheng rolls his eyes as he reaches over to close the window displaying Johnny’s Offline screen. 

“I forget,” he tells him honestly. “I do it way more often than you think.” 

“Somehow that doesn’t surprise me,” Johnny answers. “You wanna watch a movie or something?” 

Sicheng goes to answer him when his phone goes off. He snatches it from the counter, dismissing the notification. He glimpses it before he does, an upload from Ten. He must’ve just posted his collaboration shoot. Johnny lifts a brow, Sicheng shaking his head. 

“Nothing, just an email from Kun.” 

“Another sponsor opportunity?” he jokes, picking up his water and container of noodles to carry to the living room. 

“I have one sponsor, shut up!” Sicheng complains back. “Put a movie on and stop picking on me.” He follows Johnny to the living room, sitting down on the floor next to him as he runs through his Netflix and Hulu accounts, looking for something of interest. 

Sicheng crashes on Johnny’s pull-out that night under his insistence. It’s not a very long walk but it is absolutely frigid now and they still live in a city, walking home past dark doesn’t sit quite right with Johnny so he gives him a pair of sweats and a sleep shirt. The couch isn’t terrible and his pillows and blankets are comfy. He even curls up with the throw blanket Johnny said he stole from Taeil. It’s a nice one. 

That night he keeps casting glances at the closed door of Johnny bedroom. It’s such a stupid thing, the way he keeps thinking about the fact that Johnny is sleeping only a few feet away. His heart keeps thumping in his chest and he turns over, trying to turn it off, his head, his heart but it’s apparent to him that it doesn’t matter. 

Maybe this little crush has gotten a little bit out of hand. And maybe that’s why the idea of not being with friends with Johnny hurts so much more than it reasonably should. 

“I think I have a crush on Johnny,” Sicheng says at their next brunch. 

Renjun looks at him with eyes the size of saucers while Kun merely puts an elbow on the table, cheek in hand. Ten doesn’t even react, continuing to cut into his pancakes. 

“And?” He comments, stabbing at his pancakes viciously. “Did you just come to this realization?” 

“I was a little slow on it, can you not?” He complains, reaching over for his tea. God Bless this diner, it’s the only one they can find that offers hot tea in the morning. “It’s just so annoying, I don’t get crushes on people. And what’s worse, why did it have to be on Johnny? It was fine when it was like, something I thought about sometimes but this is so annoying.” 

“Sicheng, not taking into account your worries about your job, what’s so bad about it?” Kun asks gently. “I mean, honestly? When was the last time you dated?”

“I can answer that question,” Ten offers. Kun and Renjun both smack him in the arms, making him almost drop his cutlery. “Hey, no hitting at the brunch table.” 

“There was a lot less at stake in college. Everyone’s kind of stupid and dating around and we worked in the same field, it wasn’t like he was ever going to judge me…” he trails off. “You ever think I should’ve just kept dating Yuta?” 

“Absolutely not,” Renjun says, immediately. “I haven’t even met Johnny yet and I can tell you right now that that’s a terrible idea and you broke up for a reason. You make great friends, not-so-great boyfriends.” He punctuates this statement with a bite of egg.

“Yuta’s a great guy, not for you though. Maybe Johnny is?” Kun suggests. “But if you really like him and really want it to work, you’re gonna have to tell him.” 

“I will not be saying anything at all, thank you,” Sicheng decides. “It’s not worth the hassle. He’s a good friend who just moved here and he’s not looking for anything. And to be honest, neither am I.” 

“Stop hiding behind your insecurities,” Ten admonishes, pointing his fork at his friend. Sicheng frowns deeply. “You’re scared that someone is going to look at what you do and think you’re a bad person for it when, firstly, it’s not true and secondly, being in a relationship means being vulnerable. I had to listen to Kun tell me that only about a thousand times when I started dating Jaehyun and I will be damned if someone else doesn’t get the same lecture.” 

“It worked, didn’t it,” Kun mumbles to himself, mopping up syrup with his own pancakes. Sicheng glares at him from the corner of his eye. 

“Start with telling him the truth,” Renjun suggests. Sicheng pouts at him. “This is why you needed a pout emote. If you tell Johnny the truth and he doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore you know he’s a dick and you can write him off. Let the grieving of what never was begin and move on with your life. If he reacts well then you can move on from there and decide if pursuing a relationship is what you want! But either way, you should tell him.” 

“You’re right,” Sicheng grumps. “Are you all happy, I’m saying you’re right.” 

Renjun grins, silently saying ‘I told you so’ with his eyes while Ten is practically preening across the table. Kun won’t say anything, he’s too nice like that but there’s that stupid knowing glint to his eyes that says he’s also ‘I told you so’ing in his head. It’s infuriating. All his friends are so annoying, he doesn’t know why he keeps them around. 

After brunch Sicheng actually has a day to himself. It’s the first time in a long time that he’s so ahead on his OnlyFans schedule and not had to stream that he can actually just go home and do nothing if he wants. That’s exactly his intention to, maybe even get off in a manner that’s not for a camera. That’s the really enticing bit, when he thinks about it. He even considers it all the way to his apartment, until he gets a text. 

from: _Johnny_  
hey, i know you’re probably enjoying your day off and if you don’t want to come over you definitely don’t have to but i’m driving up to northridge tomorrow for thanksgiving and was wondering if you wanted to hang out today?

Fuck, he totally forgot about Thanksgiving. Well, his family doesn’t really celebrate it and it’s kind of always been his least favorite holiday overall anyway so it’s no wonder he didn’t give it much thought. In fact, he was already planning his Christmas display at the beginning of the month, he was so uninterested in Thanksgiving festivities. 

But it’s one of Johnny’s favorites so of course he’s driving up to see his parents. Which means he’ll probably be gone all weekend and there’s no way he’ll get to see him before they have to dive back into their normal stream schedules. 

A part of Sicheng wants to take their advice right now, immediately, because at least he’ll know and the universe is apparently giving him the option to do so. Ripping the bandaid off, just getting it over with and telling Johnny the truth. If he knows Sicheng can move forward accordingly and not have to deal with it anymore. 

The more rational part tells him to wait. Tells him that telling Johnny the day before he goes to Thanksgiving is a terrible idea. He might ruin his holiday with his parents and that’d be rude of him. No, he should wait and tell him at a time that makes more sense, that’s much better. 

Regardless, he knows now that he’s going to spend the entire day at Johnny’s apartment rather than his own. 

to: _Johnny_  
omw 

from: _Johnny_  
lol okay see you soon

When Sicheng shows up Johnny’s already got a second cup of hot chocolate waiting for him on the coffee table, he’s dressed down in a pair of joggers and wrapped up in a too-big cardigan waiting for him while watching Nat Geo on Disney+. It’s so grossly domestic and Sicheng sets his things aside to climb onto the sofa with him, curling into his side. Johnny smiles at him and Sicheng gets comfortable against his side. 

“What’re we watching?” 

Most of the day passes like that. Nothing important happens at all. Sicheng keeps his phone in his bag and instead gets comfortable in Johnny’s presence. He rests his head on Johnny’s shoulder and almost falls asleep at least twice. He gets so close the second time he thinks he made up the feeling of Johnny’s fingers running through his hair gently. 

The sun slants low through the windows around five, the sky starting to gray on them, changing from afternoon to evening. Johnny looks over at Sicheng’s half closed eyes. His stomach still feels like it's twisting in knots whenever he looks at him too long. It’s actually kind of unsettling that he’s known Sicheng so long but somehow meeting him in person, learning all his quirks, spending all this time together, it feels different. That warm feeling is back but this time it’s lodged itself in his chest and won’t come out. 

“Chengie,” Johnny says softly. Sicheng hums, eyes cracking open a bit wider. He looks like a sleepy cat, not quite willing to get up yet. “It’s almost dinner time. You hungry?” 

“Mm-mm. Sleepy,” he tells him, nuzzling further into Johnny’s cardigan. It is very soft and comfortable, it’s why he wore it today but it’s starting to get too late in the afternoon for naps. He’d hate for Sicheng to fall asleep and then not be able to sleep tonight. 

“I know, but you can’t go to sleep,” he insists. He gets a disgruntled noise in reply. “Dinner. Food. What do you want to eat?” 

“Ramyeon?” He suggests. Johnny’s eyes light up. Sicheng forces himself into a sitting position but Johnny’s hand lingers around his arm, coming down to curl his fingers loosely around Sicheng’s wrist. He lifts the hand not near Johnny’s to his face, rubbing at his eyes in an attempt to wake up and yawning widely. “I know a good place not far but you have to pick up. We can go together?” 

“Sure. You order and I’ll drive.” 

The ramyeon is good, this is true about all the places Sicheng suggests. Johnny has gotten used to this, all of Sicheng’s choices being right. He picks a random game for Johnny to play on stream and it’s fun, the food places he chooses are all good, even his taste in music is great. Johnny doesn’t know what to do with himself sometimes, the way things between the two of them always manage to match up. After dinner, they curl up on the sofa like a couple of cats again, Sicheng tight in a ball at the end of the sofa checking his socials after neglecting them all day while Johnny keeps one eye on him and the other on the TV. 

“I can feel you looking at me,” Sicheng says about 30 minutes after he’s opened his laptop. Johnny looks at him, lifting a brow. Sicheng mirrors him playfully. 

It’s still a novelty, looking at Sicheng, being in the same room as him. Johnny keeps waiting for it to wear off but it just doesn’t. They’ve been doing this for weeks and he still gets a little bit giddy just looking at Sicheng’s face. 

He’s choosing not to read into it.

“Sorry,” Johnny mumbles, smiling softly to himself as he turns back to the television.

Sicheng shifts a little and then closes his laptop. It snaps softly but Johnny only blinks, doesn’t look over. Sicheng sets the computer aside and crawls across the couch to sit closer. When the cushion next to him dips he looks over and sees Sicheng right next to him. 

“Hey, Johnny,” Sicheng says. Johnny hums, doesn’t even pause the television. He could but he doesn’t, says it’s not that important anyway. “I- uh,” he pauses, running a hand through his hair. A nervous habit Johnny’s learned. He waits, his chest tightening without permission. “Be careful,” he says and Johnny tilts his head, a confused crease in his brow. Sicheng tips over to settle into his side again. Johnny accommodates for him immediately, moving an arm to rest it around his shoulder. “Tomorrow,” he says in explanation. “When you drive up. Take care getting up there and coming home. And, uh, tell your parents I said hi?”

Johnny hums, settling back into the couch with him. Sicheng buries his face in Johnny’s cardigan again, getting well acquainted with how cozy it is again. He could fall asleep like this. It’s a tempting offer. It’s only the touch of Johnny’s fingers through his hair that stops him from leaning into it, instead resting his cheek against it and casting his gaze upward, at Johnny’s face. 

“I will,” Johnny promises, looking at him gently. “Thanks, Chengie. You don’t have plans, do you.”

“No,” Sicheng admits. He plays with the hem of Johnny’s cardigan as he says it. “My family’s never really celebrated it like others do. Sometimes I think they only did it for me so I’d have a normal American upbringing when I was growing up. I don’t think they do anymore, my family’s not really that close.” He pauses, sighing softly. “I don’t really care for the holiday anyway.” 

It’s kind of an awkward thing for him to admit when he knows how much Johnny loves it but he figures it best he at least be honest. 

“Well, it’s not for everyone,” Johnny says. It’s so understanding, the way he admits that his favorite holiday isn’t everyone’s. Sicheng smiles to himself. “You’ll take care this weekend, though?” Johnny asks. Sicheng nods. “And when I get back we’ll do something. Just us? It’ll be fun. The Christmas lights will be up in the parks after this weekend. We should go see them. Do you like Christmas?” 

“I love Christmas,” Sicheng murmurs. Johnny smiles softly and runs his fingers through Sicheng’s hair again. Sicheng’s arms wrap around his middle, cuddling in close and Johnny’s heart turns over. His stomach is wriggling around like it’s full of butterflies and there’s something in his throat that’s making it hard to breathe. 

Fuck. 

December creeps in around them, chilling and frosty. Even so, Sicheng finds himself sweating under studio lights, face caked in makeup, constantly reappling powder as he poses in a new outfit. It’s number three in his 12 Days of Christmas line-up. This one is a little bit easier to breathe in, all loose silk and satin that pools around him prettily, a darling little snow angel. He really has to thank Yuta for this, without him there’s no way he would’ve been able to come up with so many different ideas. 

It’s a tradition he started while he was in college. His Senior year he wanted to go all out for the winter holiday and chose the idea 12 Days of Christmas. It was such a hit he kept doing it, every single year brainstorming as many new ideas as he could to make a new 12 Days lineup that was interesting and fun and sexy. The week of Christmas he tallies up the views on all of his photoshoots and the three with the most views / tips get videos in those costumes. It’s exhausting, in a way, putting together all the outfits, the photos and then filming three different videos as gifts to his subs but it’s rewarding too. A little Christmas present for all his subscribers for being with him. 

“I’m calling it,” Kun says when Jaemin lowers his camera for the last time, scrolling through the photos. “You’ve been taking photos for hours,” he points out, Sicheng going limp on the floor. 

He’s covered in sweat and fake snow. It’s clinging to his damp skin and the satin of his clothes, the lace of his lingerie set. The halo is itchy, he’s cramping up from all the posing he’s been doing and Kun is totally right. He needs to shower, he needs to take his makeup off and he rolls onto his stomach, silk robe splaying out across his back, ass and thighs. There’s going to be fake snow all over him when he stands up but he can’t care when he’s so fucking tired. 

“Leave me here to die,” he mutters into his arms. Kun snorts, nudging him in the side with his foot. Sicheng curls away from it on instinct. 

“Get up and get changed,” he insists. He bends over to offer his hands while Jaemin takes the camera over to Sicheng’s table, plugging it in to go through the photos. 

Kun all but heaves Sicheng to his feet, steering him towards his bedroom. There is shit all over his apartment, mostly fake snow because it always has a tendency to scatter everywhere. The sheet they laid down to catch it is only doing so much. There are props from his other shoots, giant light-up candy canes, a gingerbread house. That’s all going to need cleaning up but right now he needs to be clean before he can even think about picking up his apartment. 

He makes it to his bedroom when he hears knocking on the door. He leans out the doorway, only for Kun to shove him back in. 

“I’ll get it, you take a shower,” he advises. 

Sicheng lingers around his bedroom doorway, though. He’s not expecting anyone, he didn’t order anything and he lives in an apartment. He honestly doesn’t know who could be at his door right now. He’s peering out around the edge of the doorway when Kun opens it and then immediately closes it until it’s nothing more than a crack. 

“Can I help you?” 

“Uh, is Sicheng in?” Johnny asks hesitantly. 

His entire heart jumps into his throat and Sicheng all but slams his bedroom door closed. 

“He’s a little busy right now. Who’s asking?” Kun asks, lifting a brow. 

“Uh… Johnny,” Johnny replies, a crease in his brow, pulling back a little from the man in the doorway. He’s average age, a few inches shorter than Johnny himself but the way he holds himself is a little intimidating. Pair that with the sharpness of his eyes, the broadness of his shoulders and his no nonsense attitude and Johnny’s uncertain of how to go about speaking with him. 

His expression goes surprised and then softens considerably. 

“Oh, Johnny. I’m so sorry, I’m Kun,” he introduces himself, offering a hand. “I’m Sicheng’s agent, he’s told me a lot about you.” Johnny’s mouth falls open, a silent ‘oh’ leaving his lips as he takes Kun’s hand. “Uhm, I just had Sicheng all afternoon for a meeting. He’s just run to the bathroom and it’s a bit of a mess in here. You mind waiting out here for a second while I clean up?”

“No, it’s alright,” Johnny agrees. Kun flashes him an apologetic smile before closing the door.

Sicheng opens his bedroom door, leaning out while Jaemin looks at Kun from the table, lifting a brow. 

“Go shower, quick!” Kun tells him, waving a hand at the bathroom door. Sicheng rushes out into the bathroom, shutting the door sharply. “Don’t just sit there, help me,” Kun hisses at Jaemin, who huffs but gets up to help Kun clean up the apartment some. All of the props get tossed in the linen closet for the time being while Kun rolls up the sheet on the floor, tucking the lights in the corner of the room, out of the way. It’s not a great clean up job and Johnny might still have a few questions but hopefully they won’t have to field them for too long. 

“Sorry about that, come in,” Kun says, opening the door again. Johnny steps in but doesn’t leave the area around the door. “You can take a seat if you want,” Kun offers, going over to the table where Jaemin has resumed his sitting. 

“Ah, no, I was just hoping to catch Chengie. We’ve been meaning to go down to the park but he’s streaming or I’m streaming or something’s come up so we haven’t had time. I was just hoping to catch him for the evening,” Johnny admits, a shy smile on his lips. 

“Oh, well-” 

“Johnny,” Sicheng says, stepping out of the bathroom. He’s not properly dressed, in only a pair of boxers and a t-shirt, drying his wet hair but it’s better than what he was wearing. “What’re you doing here?” 

“I was hoping to catch you tonight. I didn’t know you had a meeting, if it’s not a good time-” 

“No, we were just finishing up,” Sicheng says. “I just gotta change and then we can go?” 

“Sure,” Johnny agrees with a grin. Sicheng gives him one back, purposefully doesn’t look at Kun, and ducks back into his bedroom to change. 

A month really is the least he can hope for that Johnny might not show up at his place unannounced. It’s not really an inconvenience as he usually goes over to Johnny’s at short notice and he’s also so accommodating to him it’s just that his apartment is also partially a studio where he takes his photos and shoots his videos. He mulls over the fact that this isn’t really a surprise, it was bound to happen eventually, as he gets dressed. He’s just hopeful that Johnny doesn’t have too many questions when they’re alone. 

“Let’s go,” Sicheng says, stepping out of his bedroom. Johnny nods once, decisively. “You guys can let yourselves out, right?” Sicheng asks and Kun nods with a little smile, chin in hand. 

“Of course. Have fun!” Kun tells him. He looks a little too giddy about it and Sicheng resists the urge to roll his eyes as he wraps himself in his winter gear, ushering Johnny back out the door. 

The park is close, it’s the same park Sicheng walked Johnny through when they got here but now it’s sparkling in warm Christmas lights. It’s very pretty, the main pathways even featuring big candy cane archways and there’s a huge tree in the middle of it, decorated with multi colored lights. All of the city is starting to turn into a winter wonderland, covered in snow and faerie lights, decorated in evergreen and holly. Sicheng tucks his hands into the pockets of his coat as he looks up, smiling softly as he admires the way the lights shine even with the sun setting beside them. 

“Chengie,” Johnny says and Sicheng hums, turning to look at him. “Can I ask you something?” He asks, the two of them falling into step as they wander through the park. 

“Of course.” 

“You shouldn’t feel like you have to tell me, if you don’t want to,” Johnny insists, turning slightly to face him head on. Sicheng’s brows lift. “I mean, I figure there might be a reason you didn’t tell me but… I’m just gonna ask, okay?” Sicheng nods. “Those things you have to do, that keep you busy, that you never really talk about, what are they?” His eyes go wide. “I just saw the stuff in your apartment, the lights and you-” he reaches out, catching the corner of Sicheng’s eye. His eyes flutter of their own accord as Johnny thumbs softly there. When he pulls back Sicheng can see the glitter clinging to his fingertip. “You still have makeup on,” he points out. 

“I-” 

“I’m never gonna make you tell me anything,” Johnny says, curling back into himself. His hands go in his pockets and he shrugs down into his scarf. “It’s okay if you don’t want to, I just- it was worth a shot, y’know?” 

“Johnny, I-” he falters. Johnny looks at him openly, without judgement and Sicheng swallows his fear. “Johnny, I run an OnlyFans. When I’m not streaming or gaming, that’s what I do. I’m,” he pauses, humming softly as he drops his gaze to the ground. They’re standing in the middle of the park, in the middle of winter and Sicheng feels like he’s on fire. “I’m a camboy, I guess, is the best way to describe it.”

“Is that why you wear a mask?” 

“Yeah,” Sicheng sighs. “I started doing this, cam work, before I ever became a streamer. It was college, when I needed the money and I had friends who did it. They insisted it was totally safe, and it was, and lucrative. I made way more money than I ever could’ve with a normal job as a college student. And… it was kind of fun, I guess,” he admits. 

“So you kept doing it?” 

“Yeah. And when I started streaming, I never used a facecam. I hid my real identity because I already put it on the internet in all my cam work. And you know how the gaming community can be-” 

“Yeah,” Johnny sighs. Sicheng sneaks a glance at his friend. He doesn’t look upset or disgusted, maybe a little introspective, a little thoughtful. His eyes meet Sicheng’s and he offers him a gentle smile. “I get it.” 

“So I just never told anyone,” he finishes. “Are you… upset?” 

“About what?” Johnny replies. “You’re my friend, Sicheng, and even if you weren’t, that’s not my business, how you use your time or what you put on the internet. Besides, I think it would be pretty hypocritical of me to judge you when I own a Meg Turney calendar,” he jokes. Sicheng laughs, shaking his head to himself. 

The tension evaporates and Johnny bumps his shoulder into Sicheng’s gently, nodding back to the path in front of them. They fall into step again and Sicheng sighs, feeling the weight slide off his shoulders. 

“Any other secrets I should know about?” Johnny asks. Sicheng hums softly, shaking his head. 

“I think you have about all of them,” he admits.

Johnny reaches out, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and effectively tugging him into his side. Sicheng stumbles over his feet as he does so, giggling as he collides into Johnny’s side. It’s a pretty comfortable place to be and he really doesn’t mind when snow starts to drift down on them. 

They’re tiny little flakes, the soft kind that will build into a powder type of snow, absolutely no good for snowman building or snowball fights but plenty pretty. Sicheng looks up, blinking against the flakes that catch on his lashes. Johnny looks over at him and watches the way the lights make his cheeks glint, still sporting just a little bit of hard to remove glitter, the snow crystals twinkling softly as well. When he looks at Johnny the Christmas lights reflect in the dark brown of his eyes and Johnny has to resist the urge to thumb at his cheek again. 

That feeling is still there. It still makes his heart clench, his stomach filling with butterflies and Johnny’s pretty sure that, no matter what Sicheng tells him, it isn’t going to make a difference. 

He still absolutely adores him. 

They agree on finding the nearest Steak and Shake for dinner and everything feels normal, as normal as it can be, but Sicheng can feel Johnny holding back. Like he has a lot of questions he wants to ask but doesn’t because he doesn’t want to be rude or disrespectful. Sicheng sets his drink down pointedly not long after their food arrives, however and Johnny looks at him, a little startled. Sicheng rests his chin in his hand and smiles softly. 

“Ask me,” he says simply. 

“What?” Johnny laughs. 

“You have questions. You can ask me. Honestly, I don’t really talk about it much,” Sicheng says, swirling his drink around with the straw. “I mean, I do, but in like… a professional way. It’s all about the particulars of the job, nothing really about the artistry or the work that goes into it because… everyone I know kind of already knows. And everyone else doesn’t want to know, like it’s too intrusive or whatever. It’s fine you ask,” he says, lifting his eyes again. “We can talk about it.” 

“Is it anything like what Meg and Jessica Nigri do?” Johnny asks. Sicheng hums, lifting his head from his hand. He nibbles on the corner of his Frisco Melt thoughtfully before answering.

“Kind of? I mean, the photoshoot parts are the same, I guess. And the creative process is all about the same. Making something, creating a concept, putting it together, the same as any other creative process I guess,” he admits. Johnny looks at him like he’s actually listening and Sicheng smiles. “But the difference is in my not safe for work content, I suppose. The set up, the costume, the filming. It’s a lot different, filming yourself- well you know- editing it down, that kind of thing. There’s a lot more moving parts because it’s not just a still frame.” 

“What were you shooting today?” Then a blush rushes up his neck. “If you don’t mind my asking,” Johnny covers, averting his gaze shyly. 

“My 12 Days of Christmas,” Sicheng tells him. Johnny lifts his eyes hesitantly. “I do it every year. You showed up as I was finishing my last outfit. I did three of them today.” 

“That… must be tiring,” Johnny says. Sicheng shrugs a shoulder. 

“It’s part of the job.” 

“How do you do it?” Johnny asks, leaning forward a bit. Sicheng’s eyes widen in surprise. “I mean you’re an OnlyFans content producer, that must be really demanding, and you stream and game regularly. It’s not an easy thing to keep control of, then you take in consideration all the ways you get paid, and you’re sponsored-” 

“By one company,” Sicheng reminds him, as he always does. “Why do you always have to bring up my sponsorship?” He teases, making Johnny roll his eyes fondly. 

“One more than me,” he retorts, as he always does. “Seriously, that’s so much to do. How do you do it?” 

“I have Kun,” Sicheng replies easily. “He’s a huge help. And Renjun, my artist friend, he always takes care of the little things like my graphic design and my friends Ten and Yuta,” Johnny’s brow scrunches up briefly, “they work on my OnlyFans content with me. Besides, these days OnlyFans is my side hustle, y’know? When I was getting started it was my main source of income but now that I take streaming so seriously and have a partnership with Twitch it’s more of a lucrative hobby, especially since I can’t promote it on the site.” 

Twitch’s sexual content policies are pretty strict, and for good reason. Sicheng may be a Mature Audiences streamer (thanks GTA), but there are still guidelines he has to abide by. OnlyFans could never be promoted on Twitch, and they’re both aware of that. 

“Damn,” Johnny sighs. “I respected the hell out of you before but it’s increased like, tenfold, just tonight.” Sicheng rolls his eyes, but there’s a gentle blush over his cheeks. “I don’t think I ever told you this but I was really nervous when we became friends, like over gaming. Because you were Winwin and I had no idea what I was doing. Taeil was always like, ‘yeah, my friend, Winwin, he’s so cool,’ and you were. So cool and interesting and enigmatic, I was so nervous when we started gaming together.” 

“Is that why you team killed me five times in PUBG?” Sicheng asks, giving him a knowing look before taking a sip of his drink. Johnny clears his throat a little awkwardly. 

“I fumbled the controls a little bit,” he admits, making Sicheng laugh. “For real though, I barely knew what I was doing, I didn’t even have an affiliation and you were a partner so I was terrified of fucking up.” 

“It’s not that cool,” Sicheng insisted. “You see that now, don’t you?” 

“I mean, I still think you’re cool,” Johnny tells him. “Maybe a little less pedestal worship but you’re still hella cool.” 

“‘Hella,’” Sicheng mocks him. 

“Pick on me all you want, I’m right,” Johnny replies with a laugh. “Sometimes I don’t think you realize just how much everyone in the gaming community idolizes you. And that’s not to say they should put you on a pedestal or anything it’s just… you’re good, Sicheng. You’re a great gamer with a great personality and you don’t need a facecam or to be known to be popular. You just are.” 

“Yeah?” He mutters. He runs the tip of his finger through the seasoning salt on his plate, eyes downcast. “And what happens when everyone in the gaming community finds out I take my clothes off for money? That I get off for a camera because it brings in the big bucks? What then?” He asks, hesitantly lifting his eyes. 

Johnny reaches across the tacky plastic table and takes Sicheng’s free hand in his. Their fingers thread together and Johnny runs his thumb along the outside of Sicheng’s. 

“Anyone who judges you for it and unsubs or unfollows or leaves a nasty remark, they’re not worth your time,” he assures him. “Because what you do with your time and your body isn’t any of their business. You’re still you whether you’re producing content for OnlyFans or you’re playing League on stream, you’re the same person. And anyone who can’t handle that isn’t anyone you should get worked about.” 

“I can’t hide this forever,” Sicheng says. “What happens then?” 

“Take it one day at a time,” Johnny suggests. “If or when you decide to tell everyone who you are just know you’ll have a support system. No matter what, you still got us.” 

“Thanks.” 

“Don’t ever worry about it, Chengie.” 

“Do you have plans tonight?” Ten asks while Sicheng helps him take down the lights in his apartment. Sicheng pauses briefly before looking at his friend. 

“Yes. I’m working?” He replies, confused by the question. Ten sighs dramatically as he dissembles his studio light. “How do you always know my upload schedule but you cannot, for the life of you, remember when I’m streaming?” Sicheng asks as he unhooks the lamp from the stand.

“I know when you’re working on OnlyFans, you expect me to know your gaming schedule too?” Ten complains as he tosses the stand in it’s case, setting the lamps up on their table. Sicheng shakes his head as he puts the other lamp with it, stand pieces falling in the case. “Since you’re busy, I guess we’ll have to do this another night but I want to meet this Johnny character. Jae and I have the next couple nights off so we should get together on your next day off. We’ll get lunch or something, maybe even bring Kun and Taeyong. Oh, like a cute little triple date.” 

“Johnny and I aren’t dating,” Sicheng points out, mildly. “I’ll ask him if he’s got the time, if that’s really what you want, but it might not be until later in the day. I have so many shoots I still have to do.” 

“That’s what you get for being dedicated to the idea of 12 Days of Christmas,” Ten says, snapping the case shut and shoving it under the table. “I can’t believe you and Yuta came up with 12 ideas again. That’s garbage.” 

“My list is dwindling,” Sicheng admits, falling to the floor. One nice thing about Ten’s apartment is that in contrast to his cold and chic exterior his apartment is absolutely stuffed with warm and soft things. One might think it’s due to Jaehyun’s influence but that’s actually not true at all. Jaehyun’s office is all hardwood and he owns a record player for god’s sake. No, the apartment is all Ten’s doing as it was his first, Jaehyun just moved in, and Sicheng is so thankful for it as he throws himself down on the soft, plush rug that spans most of Ten’s living room and snatching the throw blanket off the sofa. 

“I didn’t even get to see it,” Ten complains as he hits the floor next to Sicheng. Louis creeps around the corner and noses against Ten’s wrist and fingers, putting himself directly under his hand for pets. Ten coos as he runs his hand from the top of his cat’s head all the way down his back, affectionately. 

“It’s not that exciting,” Sicheng says, offering his hand to Louis. He has never particularly cared one way or the other about Sicheng, but he gives it a shot anyway. He’s pretty preoccupied with his dad though, and proves as much when he crawls right into Ten’s lap like the daddy’s boy he is. He usually has better luck with Kun’s cat, Leon, anyway. “Someone is gonna call me out on reusing the Mr. Mint idea, I can just feel it.” 

“How many Christmas themed ideas can there really be?” Ten complains, getting up from the floor. Louis jumps out of his arms rather than be carried as Ten makes his way to the kitchen. “You gotta leave right now or do you have time for some hot chocolate. It’s fucking freezing today.” 

The temperature has dropped to the single digits in the past week so it makes going places even more annoying. All of them live in the same general housing vicinity, because cheap rent but also because they know the housing and landlords are decent, makes it a little more doable. Overall though, leaving your house at all is not really a thing any of them want to do so they’ve been hesitant to do so. 

“Can I steal your thermos, we’re planning a game of Fall Guys with Kun’s boyfriend so I can’t be late.” 

“Taeyong?” Ten asks, pulling his thermos down from the cabinet for him. “I didn’t know he games. Well, I guess I did, he played a few of those handheld games at track meets and stuff when were in school but-” 

“You went to school with Taeyong?” Sicheng asks, folding himself over the edge of the couch. 

“No, but I went to the school nearby. We were in the same conference,” Ten says, filling his kettle with water. It doesn’t make as good hot cocoa but when you’re Asian sometimes milk just isn’t an option. “Tell him I said hi if you get the chance.” 

“Will do.” 

There’s a resounding groan from everybody and Sicheng laughs softly afterward as he reaches for his drink. One great thing about being sponsored, he always has so much GFuel in his house. He never has to look far for something to drink. He sets his bottle back down as the countdown begins, and then they’re off, and getting pelted by fruit. 

“I hate this so much!” Taeil groans in his ear. “I can never get up the damn hill- I’m being pushed! I’m being pushed!” 

“This pineapple is about to get his ass kicked, get off of me!” Johnny shouts.

Sicheng can’t see where they are because that’s literally one of the only downsides of Fall Guys, you never know where your friends are if they aren’t near you but it’s evident to him that he’s not the only one in a bad situation. His is a little bit worse though as he watches his little character fall on his butt when a mango pelts him in the face. 

“I hate this game,” Sicheng mutters. “Who designed this? I just got hit in the back!” The camera angle isn’t good but that was definitely a strawberry that just flew up the ramp and knocked him on his face. “Oh, I’m not in a good situation, you guys. I am in a really bad way.” 

“Run, Winwin, run!” Taeyong encourages. “You’re so close!” 

“I’m not at all!” Sicheng replies, almost laughing. His little guy is only halfway up the actual hill and they’re losing ground quickly, the qualifying number racking up. Sicheng is good at a lot of games and he’s won a handful of these sessions but he wouldn’t say he’s good at this in particular. Taeyong is, apparently, the platformer in this group of people but that’s not really Sicheng’s thing. 

He’s great at tactical management. Not so much getting jostled around and thrown on the ground when someone pushes him a little too hard. 

“I’m out,” Sicheng says when the game closes. 

“Fuck! Me too,” Taeil sighs. “I’m out.” 

“I made it and Taeil didn’t!?” Johnny yells. “That doesn’t sound right.” 

“Don’t mess it up,” Taeil warns. “Actually, since I got eliminated I’m gonna run to the bathroom. Winwin, make sure they don’t fuck it up.” 

“I’m gonna watch Johnny.” 

“As you should.” 

“No! I’m gonna die immediately!” Johnny whines as soon as Hex-a-Gone shows up on the screen. Sicheng nearly snorts GFuel up his nose at the sound of Johnny’s whining, Taeyong’s cackling coming up over the top of his groans. “Taeyong, you’re our only hope. Our only. Hope.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind.” 

“Pancho, thank you for the resub,” Sicheng says through his laughter, lifting the edge of his sleeve to wipe his mouth. “Sorry if I sound garbled, I was taking a drink when Johnny started whining.” 

“Winwin!” Johnny whines again. “Don’t laugh at me!” 

“Play the game!” Sicheng yells as the countdown begins on screen. 

Hex-a-Gone sucks for a lot for reasons. There’s a chance that someone will throw your ass off the platforms on top of the platforms disappearing under you and if you fall last there’s a chance there’s just not gonna be a platform there to catch you. There are times where Sicheng just wants to be eliminated before the end just because he doesn’t want to play that one. 

Overall, Fall Guys is a lot of fun but there are some games that absolutely suck. Hex-a-Gone is definitely one of them but Perfect Match, TipToe, Fruit Chute and Wall Guys really come in close. Sicheng can’t fucking stand trying to climb the fucking platforms in Wall Guys. He’s also petty so he’ll stand on the tallest ones and wait for someone to push it. If it doesn’t happen and he’s eliminated then so be it. 

“No! I’m out.” Johnny sighs the latter part of his statement, Taeyong cackling again as he runs around at least five platforms above him. “I hate this game. I hate it so much.” 

“What happened? Johnny die?” Taeil asks, coming back into voice chat. “Johnny, why.”

“It’s Hex-a-Gone, what do you want from me?” 

“We’re out, I lost it at the end,” Taeyong sighs. 

“Ugh. One more game?” Sicheng asks, readying up. 

“I can do one more and then I gotta go to bed. Some people have real people jobs,” Taeyong says as he readies up as well, his little blue dino popping up on screen next to Sicheng’s can-shaped bean. “But we definitely have to do this more often, this was so much fun.” 

“Maybe your boyfriend should let you off your leash a little more often,” Sicheng comments. 

“I can hear you!” someone says into Taeyong’s microphone, causing them all to burst into laughter. “Get fucked, Winwin.” 

“I’m ready,” Taeil says through his laughter. “Oh my God, do Haechannie and I need to move to Chicago?” 

“You’d never be able to hack it,” Johnny tells him. “You guys can visit whenever you want but you’d crumple under the weight of a Chicago winter. We’re in negatives right now, my dude.” 

“Nope, nevermind.” 

Taeyong dips after one last game, where Taeil gets to the Fall Mountain but misses the crown when a hammer knocks him halfway back down the map. They’ve been going for almost four hours but they still have something in them so Taeil runs to see if Hyuck is available for a game of Dead by Daylight. Sicheng texts Guanheng as well to see if he’s available. Having a full lobby is so much faster these days. The DBD servers have been hell as of late and already having a crew is a lot faster than waiting for a game to find them people to play with. 

“I’m here,” Hyuck announces. “Let me jump in. Do we have a fifth?” 

“Hendery’s coming,” Sicheng informs them. “Let’s get this lobby ready.” 

Dead by Daylight requires a little more focus than Fall Guys does so in the process of setting up the lobby Sicheng catches up on chat and his alerts, subs, tips and bits. His audience is average for the nights where he streams with his friends. Guanheng takes a little longer than they anticipated to get on so they shoot the shit for a little while, catching up with their viewers. 

Game nights are fun because they can stream together and anyone can use multitwitch to watch all the screens running simultaneously as well as the chats. Sicheng has done that himself to monitor Taeil, Jungwoo and Johnny all at once when he wasn’t the one streaming. 

“My streaming schedule should be mostly the same,” Sicheng tells his chat when he’s asked about stream schedule changes regarding the upcoming holidays. “Long time viewers know I don’t really do much around the holidays so I’ll probably take Christmas Eve, Christmas and maybe Boxing Day off to just kind of hang around and then… New Year’s Eve I might do only a short stream and then I’m off New Year’s Day as well. Everything should go back to normal afterwards.” 

“Are we doing anything on Christmas?” Johnny asks. Sicheng hums into his mic. “You and I.”

“Oh, I dunno,” Sicheng admits, shifting a little in his chair. “We can. Kun might throw something so if you’re not with the fam you should come.” 

“Fam has Christmas on Christmas Eve ever since I moved out,” Johnny explains. “If they’re doing something the day of, sure.” 

“I will text him and the others,” Sicheng confirms. “There’s gonna be so many people there, though,” he warns. He hopes Johnny catches the implication that he can’t say on stream. 

“We used to host the annual gaming community Christmas party at our place. Are you still doing that, Taeil?” Johnny asks. 

“Yes,” Hyuck confirms. “Jungwoo confirmed that he’s coming. Jungkook and his partner are unclear but I believe Felix and Chan also agreed. The guest list is still coming together. So yeah, it’s happening again. I can’t wait to not be able to breathe in my own apartment.” 

“How is that any different from the fact that you showed up to Johnny and I’s place every year? It’s always packed,” Taeil points out mildly. “Are we ready yet?” 

“I’m… yeah, I’m in,” Guanheng confirms. “Sorry I was late. Boyfriend, so needy. Please don’t kill me first.” 

“We’ll see,” Taeil says, sounding a little too giddy as the load screen comes up on everyone’s monitors. “You know how much I love being Pyramid Head.” 

“Worst addition to a game ever. Silent Hill gave me the willies when I first played it,” Guanheng admits as the map loads up. “No! I hate this map, it’s even the Midwich Elementary School! Fuck! I’m gonna have nightmares.” 

“You’re 21,” Johnny points out mildly as he runs for the stairs immediately. 

“That doesn’t make me impenetrable, Johnny!” 

They only play for about two hours before everyone calls it. Dead by Daylight requires so much brain power and the tension can be unbearable sometimes, especially if you have someone who’s as good at the game as Hyuck and Taeil are, both of them boasting Level 50 on their characters of choice. Every time they let them play the killers they take everyone the fuck out almost immediately. 

“Should’ve disallowed moris,” Sicheng sighs before signing off. 

“We both only used it once and I only used the ivory mori!” Hyuck defends immediately. “Play the game more and maybe you wouldn’t die so quickly.” 

“Goodbye, Haechan,” Sicheng tells him. 

“Bye, Winwin, have a good night,” Guanheng offers him. 

“Bye, everybody,” Sicheng tells them, getting a smattering of replies back. When he disconnects from voice chat he gets a DM over Discord almost immediately from Johnny. He smiles to himself before pulling the mic a little bit closer to his face. “Alright, chat. We are done for the evening. It’s been a fun stream, played with a new person. Definitely have to invite Yong again, he was great. But I’m out of here we’ve been going for… just over six hours so I gotta get some sleep but I’ll be back tomorrow, maybe we’ll finally hit League again? I know I’ve been embracing that ‘variety streamer’ title lately but I’ve been hoping to get back to business as usual. We’ll hit it hard tomorrow if possible. In the meantime, let’s find someone to raid and then call it a night.” 

He leans back in his chair, closing out all the software he’s got running for his streams and his chat before getting into Discord. 

**johnnysuhgames**  
‘so many people,’ is totally chill with me. don’t worry so much.

 **allidois_winwin**  
well if you want one of my friends is being super weird about wanting to meet you since i told you about my OF business. you wanna do something w/ him and his bf? they’re chill but i promise to protect you if they choose not to be.

 **johnnysuhgames**  
sounds good to me. taeyong keeps calling me a lazy homebody. asshole.

 **allidois_winwin**  
are you not?

 **johnnysuhgames**  
rude

“Why am I so nervous?” Sicheng asks, rubbing the bridge of his nose. Ten shrugs while Jaehyun gives him a soft smile. Kun reaches out to rub his shoulder as they wait. 

Sicheng thought it might be a little less awkward for Johnny if one of his friends was there so he all but begged Kun and Taeyong to join them. It feels a little bit like a group date now even if he and Johnny are _not_ dating. They’re just some friends who are hanging out, meeting up to walk down to the Blue Giraffe to get drinks and meet even more friends. Yuta said he’d drop by but he has shooting to do so he’ll be late and Sicheng is forced to hang out with the idiot twins and his pseudo parents with the guy he likes. Not that he thinks his ex-boyfriend would make the get-to-know-yous any easier. 

“It’s fine, Johnny’ll be chill. I promise.” 

“How do you know him, again, Yongie?” Ten asks, slumping further into Jaehyun’s side. Jaehyun is all but holding Ten up as he leans his weight against Jaehyun’s side, wrapped around him both for warmth and to be annoying. 

“You’ll see,” Taeyong replies cryptically. 

“Sorry I’m late,” Johnny says, coming out of the apartment building. “I misplaced my keys,” he explains as he comes out of the building. The door shuts behind him, he gravitates to Sicheng’s side and Ten’s eyes are way too bright. 

“As I live and breathe!” Ten all but shouts and Johnny’s head swivels around to look at him. His smile is radiant and Sicheng feels a lot like he’s been left out of the joke. He’s glad to see that Kun looks about the same when he glances over while Jaehyun seems to be avoiding eyes, a blush creeping up his neck and pinking up his ears. Taeyong looks far too pleased and Ten all but throws himself at Johnny, who catches him with a laugh. “Johnny Suh!” Ten screams. 

“I told you so,” Taeyong replies easily. “Oh, I’m so sorry, Kunnie,” Taeyong says, reaching out to cling to his boyfriend. Kun looks as baffled as Sicheng feels, looking around their circle of people with big, bewildered eyes. Sicheng shifts uncomfortably, ever the socially awkward one, and tries to burrow his way into his coat. 

“Sicheng, when you said Ten I didn’t think- I mean I guess I did for a second,” Johnny says, pulling away from Ten. He glances and does a double take, taking in the way Sicheng’s looking at the floor, folded into himself. “Oh, Chengie, I’m so sorry. Ten and I are old friends. We were both on our track teams in high school,” he explains, stepping back to reach out for him. Sicheng shifts away from him and Johnny offers him an apologetic smile. “I had no idea this was the Ten you’re friends with.” 

“Yeah, well… you guys knew each other in high school?” Sicheng asks, trying to find his footing in the situation again. 

“We all did,” Taeyong answers. “Well, some of us better than others. Ten, Johnny and I were really close. Jaehyun…” 

“The closet is a dark and scary place,” Jaehyun admits, reaching out to grab Ten by the arm. Ten stumbles back into his chest, rolling his eyes fondly as Jaehyun wraps his arms around his shoulders from behind, resting his chin on his boyfriend’s shoulder. Johnny’s grin is unbelievably big as he looks at them. “But I guess it’s not all bad. I caught this one eventually.” 

“That’s so cute. I’m really happy for you, Jae,” Johnny insists. “So you did stay in Chicago, huh, Ten?” He asks and Ten nods once, decisively. 

“I did. It’s a good place. Still,” he sighs the last word and then looks at Sicheng. “Chengie, I wish you would’ve told me it’s the man of my dreams you’ve been telling me about all this time.” 

“Ten!” Johnny shouts. 

“I’ll go,” Jaehyun jokes, only for Ten to hold fast to his sleeve, turning his head to kiss his boyfriend’s temple. 

“I didn’t know you knew each other,” Sicheng mumbles. “C’mon, it’s fucking cold out and it’s a long walk,” he says, nodding to the sidewalk. He starts walking first, Kun and Taeyong catching up to him. Johnny lingers, watching him with a frown until Ten offers his hand. Johnny takes it while Jaehyun smiles at him from Ten’s other side, the three of them falling into step together on the sidewalk. 

“So,” Ten says, “what’s going on there?” Ten asks, lifting a brow at Johnny. Johnny sighs, looking ahead to where Sicheng is sandwiched between the other couple, Kun’s arm around his shoulders as they walk a few feet ahead. They’re clearly having their own conversation so Johnny isn’t worried about being overheard. Not too much anyway, though he keeps his voice down just in case. 

“I dunno,” Johnny murmurs. “I mean, I know but… Sicheng can be kind of hard to read sometimes, y’know?” 

“Yeah,” Ten sighs. “But I meant you,” he points out with raised brows. Johnny’s lips twist and he pulls his lower lip between his teeth, looking forward again. 

In his head, he knows Sicheng isn’t mad, he’s just feeling uncomfortable. Sicheng has admitted to being a little socially awkward as well as shy, he doesn’t handle unexpected things very well. Taeyong must not have warned him or Kun about his and Ten’s history, which doesn’t bother Johnny but he knows it probably bothers Sicheng. Especially since he and Ten do have history, quite a bit of it that’s kind of spilling all over the sidewalk without any kind of explanation. 

And that’s the worst of it. He doesn’t want something that he does have explanations for and is basically ancient history to make things weird between them. He cares about Sicheng too much for that. 

“I… I guess, I have feelings for Sicheng.” Ten gasps softly and then presses his lips together. Jaehyun rolls his eyes in a fondly exasperated way and even though Johnny wants to be suspicious, he’s not. Jaehyun is clearly used to Ten’s dramatics and is walking the entire way to the bar with his hand in Ten’s back pocket. They’re serious, definitely. “I just don’t know how to tell him,” Johnny whispers, chewing on the corner of his lips. 

“Just… tell him?” Ten offers. 

“Rich coming from you,” Jaehyun quips. Ten smacks him in the arm making Jaehyun snort. “Don’t take any dating advice from Ten,” Jaehyun advises Johnny. “We were sleeping together for six months before he realized I had feelings and when he did we got into a fight about how long we both had had feelings for each other. We almost broke up before we started dating.” 

“So there was some slight miscommunication, so what?” Ten replies defensively. 

“Oh, dude, we dated for almost a year and then he dumped my ass because he didn’t want to be tied down during college,” Johnny tells Jaehyun. “Which I think worked out for the both of us it was just… a major dick move at the time.” 

“You got a grudge or somethin’, Suh?” Ten asks, whipping his head around to playfully glare at Johnny. “Listen, would you have moved to California if we were dating?” Johnny pauses to think about it but honestly doesn’t know the answer. “Okay then. I did us both a favor.” 

“Fine, but it was still a dick move,” Johnny points out. “I missed you though, Tennie.” 

“You never forget your first,” Ten replies. 

“Love or time?” Jaehyun asks, grinning to himself so hard his dimples are on display. 

“Both,” Johnny answers with certainty. 

“But if you want dating advice,” Jaehyun says softly. Johnny lifts a brow. “While we might not be the best people to ask, admittedly, I definitely still think you should just tell him.” 

“I don’t want him to think it’s just because I like him for his face or his body or anything. I’m the only person in our entire gaming circle who knows about his OnlyFans and I legitimately care about him so much. I don’t want him to think I feel differently because of what he looks like or what he does because it’s not true,” Johnny insists. His eyes fall to the slush covered sidewalk. “I really like him and I have… for a while. Maybe even before we met in person.” 

“Oh my God, you didn’t even know what he looked like and you liked him. That’s so sweet. Why are you such an unbelievable sweetheart, Johnny Suh?” Ten coos, reaching up to pinch his cheek. Johnny swats him away from his face. 

“Stop picking on me and help me,” Johnny whines. 

“Tell him what you just told us,” Jaehyun suggests. “Just be honest.” 

“All anyone who works in our business wants to know is that someone cares for us because of us and not what we do,” Ten tells him. Johnny hesitantly meets his eyes. “And I know you really care about him, Johnny. All you gotta do is tell him that.” 

Kun holds the door for them when they get to the Blue Giraffe and Johnny sits in the chair next to Sicheng. There’s a few awkward moments where everyone else gets into their seats around them and Johnny offers Sicheng a soft smile. Sicheng gives him one back and gently bumps his shoulder into his. It’s not much but it’s some form of touch and that means a lot when it comes from Sicheng. 

“So, Johnny,” Ten begins as soon as their drink orders are taken. Sicheng rolls his eyes as he rests his elbow on the table, cheek in hand. Johnny rests an arm on the back of Sicheng’s chair casually, lifting a brow. “Some people haven’t seen you since graduation. I heard you’re a streamer now?” 

“Yeah,” Johnny says with a smile. “Well, part-time streamer, part-time youtuber. It’s a good time. It’s how Chengie and I met,” he says, looking over at his friend. Sicheng glances at him from the corner of his eye. “Of course I’m not nearly as good as him.” 

“Literally, shut up,” Sicheng groans. 

“Hey, I mean it,” Johnny insists. “Between Chengie and Taeil, my friend from California, they totally showed me the ropes. I had no idea what I was doing when I was getting started. It’s fun though, once you get your feet underneath you.”

“Was this your ploy?” Sicheng asks. Ten lifts a delicate brow. “Ask us out to get drinks so you can grill us about our jobs as streamers?” 

“Maybe I’m just confused!” Ten argues, making Sicheng scoff, leaning back in his chair. “Look Sicheng, I get it, you love being competitive and tearing people apart in League. It’s why I can’t let you teach Jaehyun how to play Overwatch-”

“Oh, I can do that!” Johnny offers. 

“Don’t you dare, Suh,” Taeyong argues, making Johnny laugh. “Jaehyun is competitive about everything. Don’t get him gaming.” 

“At least it’d be fun,” Jaehyun replies. “Also I think I can understand Overwatch. I don’t get League.” 

“Oh my God, I’m not doing this again!” Sicheng complains. “No one understands League. Like I get the rank system is a little difficult to comprehend but it’s not that complicated. I’ve explained it to Johnny about a hundred times-” 

“You and Taeil both. Completely over my head,” Johnny admits. “Tell me what to shoot and I’ll shoot it. Don’t try and explain whatever the hell goes on in League. That’s too many moving parts.” 

The conversation starts flowing after Sicheng attempts to break down why League isn’t that difficult to grasp for the 26th time since he’s known Johnny. Ten tries to order tequila shots to get through it and Sicheng throws a napkin at him. Taeyong and Kun sit on the sidelines and watch Sicheng and Ten go at it, intervening only when they think they’re about to get them thrown out of the bar. It’s one of their favorites so it would be really unfortunate for that to happen. Jaehyun keeps a firm grasp on his boyfriend to stop him from leaping over the table as he argues with Sicheng. 

Johnny finds it all the more entertaining when Sicheng and Ten start going at each other in Mandarin and Thai, both of them complaining in two completely different languages. Johnny can only kind of decipher Sicheng’s side of the argument due to four years of Mandarin in college but it’s still a little broken. Kun gets in the middle of them as their food finally arrives and someone else wanders up to the table, a smirk in place and brow lifted. 

“Chengie, what did I tell you about yelling at Ten in Chinese?” He teases as he takes the empty seat next to Ten. “And Ten, stop antagonizing Chengie, you know he gets upset easily.” 

“Get fucked,” Sicheng tells him. “Johnny, this is Yuta,” Sicheng says, looking over at Johnny. Johnny gets momentarily taken by the way Sicheng’s cheeks are already dusted in pink and he’s pulled off most of his layers, leaving him in only his henley. The second breaks when Sicheng turns back to Yuta. “Yuta, this is Johnny. Be nice.” 

“Alright, damn,” Yuta teases. “I’m always nice, Sichengie,” he coos, pinching Sicheng’s cheek. Sicheng swats him away a little clumsily. Yuta turns his sharp eyes to Johnny then. “Yuta. You must be the Johnny Sicheng has been telling us all about,” he says. There’s a glint in his eyes that makes Sicheng’s eyes widen but Johnny can’t be sure what that’s about.

He has to lean closer to Sicheng to take Yuta’s offered hand over the top of the table but Sicheng doesn’t pull away. Over the time they’ve been hanging out Sicheng has warmed up a bit, partially due to the easing of the atmosphere as they all get back on even footing with each other and partially due to the alcohol. Johnny pulls away and adjusts his arm around Sicheng’s shoulders which he notices Yuta’s eyes fall to briefly. 

“I am,” Johnny confirms as he gets comfortable again. “How do you know Chengie?” 

“Oh, I’m his ex-boyfriend.” 

“Yuta!” Sicheng exclaims about the second Johnny’s brows shoot up. Ten smacks him in the shoulder as Yuta bursts into laughter. Kun sighs heavily on Sicheng’s other side, Taeyong smothering his face in his boyfriend’s shoulder. Sicheng puts his face in his hands briefly before removing them and turning to Johnny’s bewildered face. “Yes, Yuta is my ex boyfriend. We dated in college. He says it to be a shit.” 

“Of course,” Yuta says through his giggles. “Sorry, man, but your face was fucking great. Yeah, Chengie and I dated but it was years ago. We’re just good friends now.” He winks at Sicheng as he says it and Sicheng rolls his eyes as he takes a long drink from his beer. “And you?” 

“Ah, just Chengie’s gaming friend.” 

“Right, you stream too. You don’t play League, do you?” 

“No!” Ten shouts. 

Yuta is, for the way he’s clearly a joker and likes to get the rise out of people, Sicheng in particular, a good dude. He and Johnny get on really well even though Sicheng sometimes looks like he’d rather put himself in a snowbank than listen to them get chummy with each other. Johnny likes him a lot and for all the times Sicheng looks so unbelievably tired of Yuta’s shit he clearly still cares for him. It lingers the way Johnny will always look at Ten a little starry eyed, like he remembers all the reasons he adored him. But it doesn’t last long because the next second Yuta is doing something that has Sicheng scoffing and Johnny knows. They probably had something, something really pretty and wonderful and what was probably love but love isn’t always permanent. 

They don’t last as long as they might’ve once upon a time because the hour gets late and the holidays are closing in so the bar is extremely full and they’re all creeping towards their mid-20s. They only last until about midnight before they start calling it. They peel themselves away from the table, leaving a tip big enough to almost cover the check before they’re leaving and wishing the tender and waiters a good night. 

Johnny steers Sicheng towards the door much the same way Jaehyun is doing to Ten and Kun is with Taeyong. Johnny tries not to read into that as Sicheng stumbles out the door and leans against the wall. They all kind of congregate on the sidewalk for a period of time as the cold air shocks the drunks back into their right minds. 

“Chengie?” Ten asks, pulling a pack from his coat. Johnny didn’t even know he had some on him but Yuta pulls his own out while Sicheng shakes his head. “Alright,” Ten brushes off, pulling one from the pack and placing it between his lips. 

“I didn’t know you smoked,” Johnny comments. 

“I keep trying to get him to quit,” Taeyong says, making Ten sneer at him playfully.

“Yes, well,” Ten brushes off, lighting the end of the smoke. Yuta’s already got his lit and blows a cloud of smoke and water vapor that makes him look a little bit like a dragon. “Old habits, I guess,” Ten says. “Shout out to college.” 

“Tell me about it,” Johnny agrees. When he glances he sees Sicheng looking at him. “What? I mean not cigarettes but… y’know.” 

“Stoner,” Yuta accuses. 

“Guilty,” Johnny admits, making Ten laugh so hard he chokes on his drag. “College was a weird time. Also I went to school in L.A. so.”

“You’re lucky you got out on weed and not something else. Respect,” Yuta tells him. “Chengie couldn’t handle that shit.” 

“Maybe if someone didn’t get a weird strain that gave me motion sickness that would’ve ended differently,” Sicheng says, looking at Yuta pointedly, who then puts his hands up in surrender. He looks at Johnny then. “I had it a few times in sophomore year and then I got motion sickness one time and now I get nauseous every time.” 

“I am so sorry,” Johnny says, honestly. 

“Whatever, I don’t smoke anymore anyway,” Sicheng brushes off. He yawns then and Johnny reaches out, rubbing his shoulder gently. “But we better get going before I pass out in the street.” 

“We’re way too old for that, Sicheng,” Kun jokes. “Let’s get the drunks home.” 

“I resent that,” Taeyong slurs into his boyfriend’s neck as Kun rubs his hands up and down Taeyong’s back. 

Rather than try and take Sicheng home while he’s drunk Johnny takes him to his. He bids everyone good night from the doorway, ushering the still wobbly Sicheng into the apartment. He’s flushed rosy and struggling with his shoes when Johnny finds him in the living room. He gives up after a series of moments, too tired to continue trying to take off his outer layers. 

He looks both adorable and pitiful when he pouts up at Johnny. 

“Help me,” he whines. Johnny snorts and goes to his side. 

Johnny is nothing if not a sucker and gets down to the floor, untying and taking Sicheng’s boots off for him. He sets them aside for him, and then gets up to help him peel off his jacket and hoodie. They land on the recliner and Johnny offers his hands to help him to his feet. 

“You’re definitely too drunk to go home. My couch?” He suggests. 

“No, I hate it,” Sicheng whines. Johnny pretends to be affronted. 

“You said it was fine last time!” He argues. Sicheng shifts a little but doesn’t let go of his hands, Johnny notes belatedly. 

“I was being nice. And was sober.” Johnny shakes his head fondly. “C’mon, I’m drunk. Isn’t waking up hungover tomorrow going to be punishment enough? Let me sleep somewhere decent. Streaming for a living is going to give me enough back problems, isn’t it?” He complains. He tugs and pushes on Johnny’s hands, making them sway forward and back as he whines. Johnny finds he kind of likes drunk Sicheng, he’s so uninhibited, whining and pouting to get what he wants. 

And Johnny is a weak, weak man. 

“I’ll sleep on the couch,” Johnny allows because he had a few but he’s clearly much better at holding his alcohol than Sicheng. 

“Why don’t we just share the bed?” Sicheng offers. 

There’s a suspended moment when Johnny’s brows lift and Sicheng looks at him, impassively. Somewhere in Sicheng’s alcohol addled brain he’s screaming, he’s yelling and thrashing about and wondering why the fuck he would ever say such a thing to a person he is debilitatingly into but drunk Sicheng is stupid and impassive and wants to sleep in a decent bed. 

“You have a California, right?” Sicheng asks and Johnny nods, still silent. “We can both fit. If you don’t want to cuddle or whatever that’s fine, I just thought it was easier than one of us trying to throw out our backs like we’re in our forties or something,” he suggests, a little laugh tacked on the end. 

“Okay,” Johnny agrees. “Yeah, alright. Uhm… you need something to sleep in, right?”

“Just a shirt. I’m super overheated,” Sicheng says and Johnny swallows before nodding once. 

“Right. Uhm. Sure.” 

When Johnny climbs into bed he keeps to his side of the bed, the one on the outside, by the door. His bed isn’t built for this, sharing, the way he likes it pressed up against the wall on two sides but they make do. Sicheng curls up facing the wall and Johnny lies down, his back to Sicheng, facing the door. 

“Good night,” Johnny whispers. 

“‘Night, Johnny,” Sicheng yawns. Johnny turns his face into his pillow, settling down to go to sleep. 

He wakes up the next morning in a completely different arrangement. 

Sicheng is halfway on top of him, the two of them tangled up in the middle of the bed. His head is on Johnny’s shoulder, his arm thrown over his chest, his leg curled over his hips. Johnny’s got his arm under Sicheng’s head, the other one resting on Sicheng’s hip and they’ve managed to kick all the blankets to the end of the bed or off it entirely. The ceiling fan is going above them but he’s pleasantly warm the way he’s been able to share body heat with Sicheng all night, almost a human blanket. He lifts his hand from Sicheng’s hip to stroke his thumb over his cheek. 

His head is still a bit cotton stuffed but he can see through it. Johnny pushes some of Sicheng’s unruly bedhead away from his face as the winter morning filters gray blue through his sheer curtains. It’s too early in the day for him to be awake but he doesn’t mind so long as he’s awake before Sicheng. 

This isn’t his to keep but these fleeting moments are enough for now. 

The real problem is when Johnny has to slide his way out from underneath Sicheng. It’s not an easy feat but Sicheng turns back over as soon as Johnny is free, burying his face in the pillow and going still once more. He’s clearly a deep sleeper and Johnny kisses the crown of his head sweetly before leaving his side. 

His stomach is protesting a lack of food, his brain feels foggy and he goes about starting his coffee on auto pilot because despite the way Sicheng insists he’s not really a coffee person, he feels as though he’s going to need it. 

He’s already feeling like a person when Sicheng stumbles out and leans heavily against the kitchen island. Johnny grins while Sicheng gives him a tired smile, rubbing a hand over his face. 

“Breakfast?” Johnny offers. The spam is already sizzling in the pan. 

“Coffee,” Sicheng says instead, holding his head up with a hand pressed to his temple. 

Johnny slides a mug to him across the island counter. 

Christmas catches up to them in days. Not weeks but days and suddenly nothing makes sense anymore.

It’s video filming and streaming and holiday party planning and the last of the decorations going up, all a flurry of activity while outside Sicheng sees the streets get busier, people running around, bumper to bumper traffic and he’s so glad he has an unconventional job. There’s an afternoon the weekend before Christmas where Sicheng charges his way into Johnny’s apartment and forces him to put up at least some decorations because, “Just because you’re going to your parents for the holiday doesn’t mean you can’t have a decent looking apartment.” 

His tree is two feet tall and lives on his kitchen island but it’s something. And very sparkly. 

Johnny comes over to Sicheng’s the night before Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve’s Eve Johnny jokes, making Sicheng almost smack him. They share a container of peppermint stick ice cream and watch Mickey Mouse’s Once and Twice Upon a Christmas. Sicheng’s apartment is decked out and all the lights are off except for the Christmas lights, making everything glow golden. Johnny spends a lot of time tearing his attention away from the way the dark brown of Sicheng’s eyes turn amber in the Christmas lights. 

“So, I’ll see you on Christmas?” Johnny asks, scraping a bit of ice cream off the top. 

“Yep,” Sicheng agrees. “But we should hang out on Boxing Day or something. Just the two of us. Our friends are kind of crazy so…” 

“You don’t have to stream?” Johnny asks before putting the spoonful of ice cream in his mouth. Sicheng shakes his head, pressing the tip of his own spoon into the soft ice cream. It’s a little bit melty now from sitting out on the couch as long as it has. 

“Nah,” Sicheng says. “I said I might stream on the Eve or the day after but I don’t think I will. Just take the day off.” 

“Good,” Johnny responds immediately, making Sicheng’s eyes dart up to look at him. “You deserve it. You’ve been working really hard. Did you manage to get those videos up in time?” 

“I have one more for tomorrow and then I’m done until I come back after Christmas. And then I do my New Years Set which is…” Sicheng’s eyes go big as he grins and Johnny laughs softly. “I mean, it’ll be fun. I already have a plan so it’s just the shoot and stuff, y’know.” 

“Oh!” Johnny says, tugging the spoon out of his mouth. “I know you said you have a camera person but I was just thinking, if you ever need, I can fill in.” Sicheng’s brow raises, licking ice cream off the back of his spoon. “I mean… I was a photography minor in school so I just thought, if you ever were in a bind, I can take your photos too. You said your normal photographer is a college student so.” Sicheng tilts his head at him. “Just thought I’d offer,” Johnny says with a shy smile, reaching for the ice cream again. 

“I’ll keep it in mind,” Sicheng agrees. 

Johnny leaves before it gets too late in the evening. He has to drive up to Northridge tomorrow, after all, so as the credits to Twice Upon a Christmas are running Sicheng lingers around the front door while Johnny puts all his gear on. It’s frigid outside and the snow is almost two feet deep so it’s a process but once properly wrapped up Johnny huffs, making Sicheng laugh. 

“Christmas,” Johnny says, finally. 

“I’ll see you on Christmas.” 

Johnny lingers in the doorway for a series of moments. The lights are still blinking and even the wreath Sicheng has on his door has battery powered lights nestled in with the fake pinecones and holly. Sicheng’s apartment is just short of a winter wonderland and Johnny smiles softly. It’s such a silly thing that Sicheng clearly adores, the winter holiday season, and Johnny adores him for it. 

Before he can lose his nerve Johnny reaches a hand out and cups Sicheng’s cheek gently. Sicheng’s eyes go big and round while Johnny leans forward. Sicheng blinks slowly as Johnny leaves a kiss on the very corner of his lips. Not enough to be a proper kiss but definitely more than a simple cheek kiss. When he pulls away there’s already a blush creeping onto his cheeks. 

“See you on Christmas, Chengie,” Johnny says. And then leaves. 

Sicheng leans against the wall by the door, biting the corner of his lips Johnny just kissed. He touches it softly before smiling to himself, letting his head drop back against the wall. 

Christmas Eve is uneventful, not that Sicheng thought it would be. Even so, he ends up spending most of it pacing the length of his apartment while the Rankin & Bass Christmas specials play on his television without properly being watched. It’s an old tradition from his childhood but he cannot, for the life of him, force himself to sit down and watch them while his head swims with questions and thoughts about Johnny. 

He texted when he left and when he got to his parents house and Sicheng texted back. It was all very average, friendly, but Sicheng flops down on his couch and his teeth dig into the corner of his lower lip, the place Johnny left a kiss just the night before. It was so quick, soft, barely anything at all and yet Sicheng can’t help thinking about it. 

He helps Ten and Jaehyun prepare their apartment the next day for the party that evening because that’s apparently something he has to do. He supposes he had this coming, becoming friends with Ten and Kun, especially since this isn’t even Ten’s party, it’s Kun’s. The apartment is mostly already decorated but there’s snacks to prepare and a mulled wine in the crock pot (it’s Kun’s because Ten and Jaehyun aren’t adult enough to own a crock pot) and they’re gonna move the furniture around. Sicheng is placed on wine duty because they all know he can’t fuck it up.

“You’re being suspiciously quiet today,” Ten says and he releases his armful of food on the counter. Sicheng gives it a once over before resuming his removal of peel from the oranges in his possession. 

“I’m always quiet,” Sicheng replies pointedly. Ten huffs as he goes sorting through his various plastic bowls in an attempt to find apt containers to put the food in. 

“More than usual. Which is saying something,” he insists. A handful of bowls come down, stacked haphazardly as Ten goes about trying to sort salty from sweet in his plethora of bags. 

“Just thinking, I guess,” he admits. Ten hums but doesn’t comment further. 

The soft slicing sound of Sicheng’s paring knife through the fruit and Ten’s shuffling about on the other counter fills the room. The crockpot isn’t even on yet but it’s filled with two bottles of wine, apple cider and some brandy. Probably more brandy than necessary but who is Sicheng to tell Jaehyun and Kun how they want their mulled wine. The strips of orange peel fall in and he stirs it around, watching the bright orange swirl around in the liquid. 

“Ten,” Sicheng begins. Ten hums as he opens a bag of chocolate. “You never actually told me about you and Johnny.” 

“Johnny and I?” He asks, glancing over his shoulder. He shrugs a second later, going back to what he was doing. “There’s not a whole lot to tell. I mean, we dated previously but it was a long time ago. It feels like ancient history.” 

“You usually cannot shut up about your ex boyfriends and you’re choosing now to be quiet?” Sicheng goads. Ten harrumphs as he pours the chocolates in a bowl. 

“Listen, I’ll be the first to admit when I fuck up but Chengie, I really fucked up with Johnny,” Ten says. “That’s not to say I regret it or that I wish I could go back and do it again because I really wouldn’t. I love Jaehyun, you know that it’s just… we were kids.” He sighs as he says it, tossing the bag away to open a different one. “High school, y’know? We went to different schools but there weren’t a whole lot of other queer people to date so we just got tired of being single and thought we should give it a shot. It was great. Really, really great for the year were together but I was stupid at 18 and told him I didn’t want to be tied down during college so I dumped his ass.” 

“ _You_ dumped _his_ ass?” Sicheng asks, grinning to himself. He resists the urge to laugh outright because he thinks that might be rude but Ten breathes a laugh behind him. 

“You know what, just go ahead and laugh at me, Chengie, I fucking deserve it,” Ten sighs. “He’s such a good person and he clearly doesn’t even resent me for it even though he should and I should have stayed with him because my string of boys in college was not good- you know,” he says, having a hand at him. 

And God help him, does Sicheng know. He and Ten were randomly assigned as roommates in his sophomore year of college and the amount of times Sicheng either saved his ass or was thrown out of his own room is something he cannot count. He often wonders how they remained friends from college at all but in reality, he never could’ve asked for a better best friend than Ten. It’s partially Ten’s fault he and Yuta even broke up and he’s going to spend the rest of his life thanking him for it even if, at the time, he hated him for doing such a thing. 

But on the flipside, it’s interesting to note that Ten’s fear of commitment has long predated Jaehyun, graduation, college, all that shit. 

“Not any worse than me,” Sicheng attempts to placate him and Ten looks over at him, fully turning his body away from the counter and everything with a soft smile on his face. 

“You and Yuta both learned. Sometimes college isn’t the best place for people and there’s nothing wrong with that so long as you figure it out after the fact. And hey, Yuta’s not such a bag guy now.” 

“Yuta was never a bad guy,” Sicheng insists. “We were just bad for each other.” Ten hums but doesn’t comment further because he knows it’s the truth. “But you and Johnny? It’s really that ancient?” 

“Like the pyramids,” Ten insists, going back to his snacks. “But you know, if you’re asking because you’re worried about that, you shouldn’t. If you’re asking because you want to know about Johnny, however, I can tell you right now that before Jaehyun, he was the best thing that ever happened to me. It was a really short relationship in the grand scheme of things as we were stupid teenagers but he really cared about me. I was still a shit then and I broke up with him but it’s clear that while I had to get my shit together in college, he only became a better person.” Ten glances over his shoulder at Sicheng who’s measuring the spices carefully. “I really don’t know how you could ever regret having feelings for Johnny.” 

“I dunno, Ten. What if I’m not good enough?” 

“You are,” Ten insists. “Chengie, you deserve it. Trust me.” 

The party is at seven but they don’t see anyone until at least half past, mostly because the people who are ever on time are already there. Kun and Yong were there to help set up, as was Sicheng and the next people who show up are Renjun and Jaemin, followed shortly by Sungchan, Taeyong’s younger cousin and friend of Renjun’s. He brings his boyfriends, Chenle and Jisung, with him. It’s about quarter to eight when Ten starts loitering around the door as though waiting for someone. 

“Looking for someone?” Sicheng asks, bumping him in the shoulder. Ten huffs, shoulders slumping a bit as he follows Sicheng back into the kitchen. It smells spicy sweet with the mulled wine as well as hot chocolate and whiskey bottles on the counter. Sicheng finally makes a mug of the mulled wine for himself, ladling it into the glass while Ten leans against the counter. 

“Johnny should be here already,” he says, still looking over his shoulder at the door. “I mean, you’re already here,” he points out as though second nature. Sicheng rolls his eyes, putting the ladle back and leaning against the counter with his friend. 

“He texted me earlier and said he might be a little later than he expected. He wanted to bring something. I told him not to worry about it but… well, you know Johnny,” Sicheng sighs, bringing the warm wine to his lips for a sip. It’s still a little too bitter but the apple and orange cuts it enough that it’s palatable. When he looks up he notices he’s being scrutinized by his friend. “What?” He asks, hesitantly. 

“Alright, I’m suspicious. You spent all afternoon asking me about Johnny but you’ve neglected to tell me about his whereabouts until now. Something happen between you two?” Ten asks. Sicheng shakes his head with a little shrug. 

“Nope,” he replies. Ten lifts a brow. “I swear. I just forgot to tell you, is all,” he says, taking another sip. 

“I’m watching you, Dong,” Ten warns. He snorts into his wine as Ten twists away from him to get back to the main room. “The only other person missing is Yuta if you wanna not hide in the kitchen,” Ten offers. Sicheng nods, looking down into his wine. 

He’s not being totally honest with Ten but he’s still not really sure what to make of all of this. And he still hasn’t seen Johnny since the Kiss so he’s not entirely sure what to do about that. It kind of sucks that they’re not going to have a chance to talk about it so he just has to act like everything is totally normal in front of their friends when everything is so totally not normal right now. He takes another long sip before pushing off the counter to go into the main room. 

He’s already poured himself a second mug when Johnny shows up. The party is in full swing, the room is starting to overheat with how many people are there and Sicheng glances over during his conversation with Jaehyun and Yuta (Johnny was even later than Yuta, which is weird) when Ten opens the door. 

Ten isn’t exactly discreet about it, crowing as soon as Johnny’s through the doorway. Sicheng smiles softly because he’s a terrible, awful, no good sap about Johnny Suh and that’s how he knows his feelings are way too deep. They haven’t seen each other in less than 48 hours and he’s thinking about how much he missed Johnny’s face all fondly. It’s disgusting. 

He looks exactly like he did the night before Christmas Eve but he’s wearing a really nice sweater with a button down underneath it like some kind of Mister Rogers cosplay. He’s laughing at Ten, mouth stretched in a handsome grin as he tries to fend Ten off with the wine in his hand. His cheeks and nose are all red from the cold and he lifts his head from looking at Ten to look at the room and they meet eyes. 

Of course they do. 

Sicheng smiles at him and Johnny inclines his head a bit, dare Sicheng say it, shyly. He turns away almost immediately to actually give Ten the wine and Ten’s already got his attention again, insisting that, “you shouldn’t have! No, really, you shouldn’t have, Jaehyun’s gonna drink this whole bottle alone. I drink whites, John.” 

Johnny is folded into the group in seconds but Sicheng notes the way Johnny gives him space. To some it might look like Johnny’s avoiding him but he knows Johnny well enough and Johnny knows him in return to give him a wide berth if the situation’s a little off kilter. It warms Sicheng a little bit to know that Johnny’s still thinking about him even though he was technically the one to put his heart on the line. He thinks about closing the distance between them, settling into his side like he’s gotten used to doing but remains on Yuta’s other side instead, hands tight around his mug. 

Johnny may have put his heart on the line but that doesn’t mean Sicheng’s totally ready to put his out there yet. Not right this moment, at least. 

He gets away with it for approximately 15 minutes before Ten’s got him cornered in the kitchen, arms crossed over his chest and staring at him pointedly.

“What?” Sicheng asks, still feigning confusion. 

“Don’t ‘what’ me,” Ten says, his tone insisting he can’t believe Sicheng is purposefully acting inept with him. “We got drinks last week and you and Johnny were practically inseparable. I’m pretty sure that waiter we had thought we were all on a group date and Yuta was fucking seventh wheeling.” Sicheng flushes softly. It’s not dark enough that it couldn’t be the heat and the wine but it’s damn close. “But tonight, you guys haven’t even stood next to each other. And you just happened to forget to tell me about Johnny being late earlier. There’s a whole damn couch cushion between Johnny and Jaehyun with your name on it but you’re not sitting there. What goes on?” He asks, tilting his head a bit. 

“Nothing,” Sicheng insists softly. Ten purses his lips, gaze sharpening. Sicheng sighs heavily, swirling the ladle in the wine. “It’s no big deal, Ten.” 

“It is if something has changed so drastically between you two in less than a week,” Ten points out. “What’s up?” 

Sicheng could lie and still insist it’s nothing but something tells him he’s not leaving this kitchen until he tells Ten the truth. Which is… fair, in a way. Ten doesn’t take bullshit very well and they’ve been friends for years, since well before they even started their camboy business. They’ve been telling each other so much for so long that if Sicheng even tried to lie Ten would call him out in a second. So he doesn’t. 

“Johnny kissed me,” Sicheng says softly. Ten’s eyes turn into saucers and his mouth falls open. “It wasn’t like… a real kiss. I mean, it was just here,” he says, using his free hand to touch the corner of his mouth. “It wasn’t like a cheek kiss but it wasn’t not an on-the-lips kiss, y’know? Like-” 

“Like testing the waters?” Ten says immediately. Sicheng chances a look at his friend and hesitantly nods his head. “This is… this is good, isn’t it?” Ten asks, a confused crease in his brow. 

“He kissed me two nights ago,” Sicheng clarifies and the crease gets deeper while Ten begins to look annoyed. “The night before last. He was leaving my apartment, we spent the night just kind of hanging out and he had to go early because he had to drive up to spend Christmas Eve with his parents. He kissed me by the door and then… he left. So we haven’t really talked about it,” Sicheng says, a breath that sounds kind of like a disbelieving laugh tacked on the end. 

“That fucking coward,” Ten sighs, closing his eyes briefly before opening them again. “Is this what all those questions this afternoon were about? Chengie, I meant what I said and he kissed you. His stupid timing aside, he kissed you. That means he likes you too,” Ten says. Sicheng sighs, ladling more wine into his mug. “Chengie, just tell him you like him too. It doesn’t have to be that complicated anymore. It’s like… right there!” He insists, beginning to talk with his hands. 

“I don’t really want to do this at your holiday party,” Sicheng mumbles. 

“Okay, well it’s not my holiday party, remember, it’s Kun’s. I just happen to have an apartment big enough for our bullshit,” Ten points out. Sicheng rolls his eyes as he sets the ladle aside again. “Semantics aside, I get it. But at some point, preferably tonight, you should tell him,” Ten says. Sicheng hums, sipping his drink. “Also.” Ten reaches out and takes the mug from his hands making Sicheng whine. “You can’t be drinking in this state. You’re gonna say something stupid.”

“If I’m drunk I give less shits. Let me have this,” Sicheng retorts, taking his wine back from his friends hands. Ten frowns at him in a rather unimpressed manner. He doesn’t try to take his wine again, though, so Sicheng will count it as the win it is. 

When they leave the kitchen Ten’s eyes look at Sicheng, the couch and then Sicheng again in a pointed manner. Sicheng sighs but takes the hint and sits down in the middle cushion. Jaehyun greets him softly before going back to his conversation with Kun in the chair next to him. Johnny looks up from his own mug and offers him a soft smile. 

“Hey,” Sicheng says gently. 

“Hey,” Johnny replies. 

Johnny’s warmth pulls Sicheng in, much like it always does. He leans into Johnny’s side, shoulder pressed to Johnny’s until he gets the hint and moves his arm to rest around Sicheng’s shoulder. It’s a place Sicheng has gotten quite used to and he doesn’t even react when Johnny pulls him in a little bit closer. He answers the question Taeyong and Sungchan ask him immediately, getting comfortable into Johnny’s side. 

The party isn’t a big deal, it isn’t hectic or crazy like it was when they were in college. It’s very casual and fun and it’s about the time Sicheng reaches the bottom of his fourth mug that he realizes that Jaehyun spiked the wine with a little more brandy this year than he thought.

He’s more boisterous when he’s drunk, this is for certain and he knows he’s reached peak bubbly Sicheng when even Yuta is almost rolling on the floor with laughter. It’s a good feeling but it’s extremely temporary because he starts getting tired very quickly and he realizes a second too late that Johnny is trying to get him out the door. 

“Johnny, it’s not even that late!” 

“Chengie, it’s almost one in the morning,” Johnny points out, giggling. “C’mon, you have to go home and go to bed. You’re gonna get sleepy soon.” 

“How would you know that?” Sicheng asks, being petulant for the sake of being petulant. Johnny must find him absolutely hilarious though because he merely shakes his head at him, ushering him closer to the door. “Johnny, Johnny,” Sicheng says like he’s got something very important to say. Kun’s grinning like he knows where this is going. “I can’t go home yet, we have to talk.” 

“We can talk at home, baby.” It slips past Johnny’s own slightly intoxicated tongue and he regrets it immediately.

“You don’t get to call me that,” Sicheng responds. “Just because you kissed me does not give you the rights to call me baby.” 

“Johnny!?” Taeyong squeals while a blush creeps it’s way right up Johnny’s neck as he attempts to wrestle Sicheng into his coat. Ten’s got his face in his hands, shoulders shaking with his giggles because he’s also a little too far gone and Kun presses a hand to his mouth in mock surprise. 

“Did I not mention that?” Sicheng says as an afterthought and Yuta straight up cackles where he’s in his own half drunk stupor on Ten’s plush rug. Renjun, Sungchan and Jaemin remain on the love seat watching the chaos unfold as the older members of their friend group all attempt to put Sicheng in his coat so he can go home before he falls asleep on Ten and Jaehyun’s couch. 

“I’m gonna take him home,” Johnny announces. “This has been fun.” 

“Has it?” Kun asks, giggling. 

“I mean… for the most part,” Johnny replies, also sounding a little punch drunk. “Good night, guys.” 

Johnny walks Sicheng to his apartment, which isn’t actually that hard because Sicheng has surprisingly good balance while drunk. Johnny lets the two of them into his apartment and closes the door softly behind them. Sicheng flops down on his couch and Johnny lets loose a giggle entirely out of character at the way Sicheng lands splayed out over his cushions, arms and legs starfished. 

“Johnny!” Sicheng whines while Johnny comes over to him. He takes Sicheng’s hands and helps him adjust into a sitting position. Between the two of them they manage to wedge both of their shoes off, their coats left on the couch while they struggle back to their feet so Johnny can take Sicheng to bed. 

“You kissed me,” Sicheng says when Johnny sits him on the edge of his bed. Johnny hums as he roots through Sicheng’s closet and dresser to try and find them both something to wear for bed. “Johnny, you kissed me,” Sicheng whines. “And then you left.” 

“Yeah,” Johnny sighs, pulling the clothes free. He falls into the bed with Sicheng, the clothes landing next to him on the bed. “Yeah, I did,” he agrees. “Maybe we should do this tomorrow,” he says, running a hand through his hair. Sicheng reaches for his hand and tugs him closer. 

They’re too drunk to balance themselves and fall down into Sicheng’s bed, a tangle of limbs. Johnny shifts to not crush Sicheng under his weight but he remains almost on top of him, Sicheng’s fingers curl loosely around his wrist, his other hand on his shoulder. Johnny twists so his hips slot between Sicheng’s thighs, their stomachs pressed together and he looks down into Sicheng’s eyes. 

“I don’t want to do this tomorrow,” Sicheng says. “Because I want you to know now that I wanted you to kiss me. I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I like you too, Johnny.” 

“You’re drunk.” 

“That’s not fair,” he replies. “I didn’t get to say it that night because you left. Just because I’m saying it now doesn’t mean it isn’t true. And I want you to kiss me again.”

“We’re drunk.” 

“Please,” he pleads and Johnny’s eyes dart down to his lips. Sicheng licks his lips and Johnny’s eyes watch it closely. It’s dark and the glow of the lights wrapped around the street lights below illuminate the room a weird golden-orange shade. It still makes Sicheng’s eyes glow and Johnny’s eyes learn the way they turn honey amber in these lights. He lifts the hand not being held hostage in Sicheng’s grasp to his cheek, brushing his thumb over the highest part of his cheekbone. 

“Johnny,” Sicheng says softly and Johnny hums. “Kiss me.” 

Johnny is nothing if not weak for him. 

He presses his lips to Sicheng’s softly. The kiss is innocent, chaste but Sicheng’s hands come up to hold onto his neck. Johnny refuses to deepen the kiss but he does tilt his head to slot their lips together a little more firmly. Sicheng’s fingers twist up into the hair at the back of his head and Johnny sighs softly into his mouth. He pulls back slowly, watching as Sicheng’s eyes flutter open. 

“We should go to bed,” Johnny says. 

“You’ll stay, right?” 

“I’ll be right here,” Johnny assures him. He leans in and brushes their noses together, feels it when Sicheng’s lashes brush against his cheek. He leaves a soft kiss high on his cheek, under his eye. “I’ll be right here when you wake up.” 

Sicheng wakes up to the bed moving around him, groaning softly as the bed dips behind him. Hands and arms slide around him and he turns over in bed, burying his face in the firm chest behind him. A soft chuckle meets his ears and he turns his head to rest his ear over the heart that beats below him. The hands move, one coming up to curl around the thigh he has thrown over their hips while the other curls around the side of his neck, thumb brushing against his jaw. When he blinks his eyes open he sighs into Johnny’s shirt, warm and soft under his head. 

“Morning,” Johnny greets him, word mumbled until it’s almost impossible to decipher. It’s the midwest in him, the kind of accent that slurs all their words together but Johnny’s got the worst of it, being a chronic mumbler. Sicheng hums in reply, rubbing his face into his shirt a bit. 

“Time is it?” He rasps. 

The noise Johnny makes tells Sicheng that he doesn’t know, as well as his body moving in a motion that Sicheng thinks is a shrug. The hand on his thigh smooths carefully up and down while lips press against his hairline. 

“Did you mean it?” 

“Can we have deep emotional conversations when I’m awake and not hungover?” Sicheng asks. Johnny chuckles softly as Sicheng twists his fingers into Johnny’s shirt. “But yes, I meant it.” 

Johnny gently tilts his head up with the hand by his jaw and Sicheng does as he asks. Johnny blinks down at him, eyes half lidded with sleepiness. His hair is ruffled cutely, a few strands falling into his eyes and Sichen lifts a hand to brush them out of the way. Johnny leans down as Sicheng’s fingers linger around his cheek. His lips press softly to Sicheng’s and Sicheng sighs into his mouth. 

Sicheng’s hand holds onto his cheek as they kiss. It’s too early in the morning and they’re both too hungover and tired for it to go anywhere but it feels like everything. It feels like their first real kiss and Sicheng shifts so he can hover above him a little more. Johnny’s hand on his thigh moves to hold onto his hip as Sicheng’s fingertips brush against his ear. Johnny hums softly into his mouth and Sicheng tilts his head to kiss him firmer, fuller. Johnny’s fingers press harder into his hip and Sicheng smiles into the kiss. 

Sicheng pulls away first but goes back for a few more soft kisses. They press gentle and sweet to Johnny’s lips, Johnny chasing every single one for an extra moment. It’s the day after Christmas, the chill of winter clings to the room. Around them the world struggles back to its feet in the spare days between Christmas and New Year’s but here they hold each other’s gaze, trapped in their little bubble. 

“Let’s stay in bed,” Johnny tells him. Sicheng smiles down at him. “You don’t have to do anything today, do you?” 

“Nope.” 

“We’re staying in bed,” Johnny says decisively. Sicheng grins down as him, breathing a giddy laugh as Johnny turns them over, pressing another smattering of kisses to his lips. 

Sicheng really thought, at the beginning of November, that being friends with Johnny was the peak. The pinnacle of being around Johnny but he finds that it pales in comparison to actually _dating_ Johnny. Yes, there are a lot of things they do now that they did previously but there’s something about the freedom that comes with being with Johnny in this way that makes it so different. He revels in it, finding the missing piece of all their hanging out that comes with the casual intimacy that they can feel now. 

“Can you turn this way, to the right?” Johnny instructs and Sicheng shifts to accommodate his instruction. As he does so he tilts his head to the side and Johnny lifts the camera back to his eye with a smile. “Beautiful.” Resisting the urge to blush and keeping your expression neutral is a lot more difficult than Sicheng would like it to be. 

It’s kind of disappointing that their first days as a couple are interrupted by Sicheng’s next shoot but New Years is only in a few days and it has to be shot and the photos edited before the day comes around. It’s actually kind of nice that Jaemin is out of town (taking Renjun to meet his parents, which Renjun has been stressing about for no less than a month) because it means he can ask Johnny to take these photos. It’s a little nerve wrecking, letting Johnny in so close but it also feels really, really good. 

He doesn’t shy away from getting in close and taking all the shots that Sicheng needs for his new photo album. He takes Sicheng’s directions seriously but he also has an inherent eye for this kind of thing. It makes Sicheng feel warm and comfortable knowing that Johnny is taking this as seriously as he is. Johnny’s good and professional and always checks in with the shots so Sicheng can clear the pictures he’s taking so far. It’s a really good give and take that makes knots tie themselves up in his stomach. 

This shoot is a little bit different from most of his because Sicheng chose more of a masculine vibe this time around. He’s in a button down and loosened tie with tight boxer briefs on. His shoots are usually a lot softer, featuring lace or silk but he wanted to dabble in something new this time around. It feels good to be a little more edgy, less feminine. In a way, it feels a little bit more like he’s being himself in these photos. 

He’s got his hand on his thigh while the other is resting next to his mouth, eyes looking directly down into Johnny’s camera where he’s kneeling on the floor in front of him. It’s a provocative pose but nothing he hasn’t done before. If anything it’s covering more than it usually does considering he’s wearing briefs instead of panties but heat still simmers beneath his skin. He can only assume it’s because this isn’t just any photographer he’s doing this in front of, it’s Johnny. And for all the professionalism Johnny has, he’s still his boyfriend, new and shiny and making Sicheng giddy just to be around. 

“How are they?” Sicheng asks when Johnny lowers the camera to flip through them. 

“They’re great,” he says with a grin. “You want to see?” 

Sicheng slides off the chair and crawls across the floor. He’s feeling confident, as he usually does when he’s all dolled up, so he climbs into Johnny’s lap. Johnny’s breath hitches just a little bit as Sicheng straddles him, an arm wrapping around his shoulder. Johnny looks at him from the corner of his eye as Sicheng leans in close to look. 

“I think Jaemin is about to be out of a job,” Sicheng jokes, making Johnny breath a laugh. It doesn’t sound entirely like him though and Sicheng looks over to see Johnny already looking at him. His eyes are darting around his face, his eyes, his cheeks, hovering around his lips for a prolonged moment as the hand not holding the camera comes around to press low on Sicheng’s back. 

Sicheng smiles, something sharp and wicked in his eyes as he leans in for a kiss. Johnny meets him halfway, setting the camera aside to wrap his other arm around him. Sicheng hums into his mouth as Johnny tilts his head, opens his mouth and all but begs Sicheng to let him in. So he does and as soon as access is granted to the inside of his mouth Johnny’s got him on the floor, hands on either side of his shoulders to hold himself up. 

They’ve only been officially dating for two days but Sicheng is moaning into Johnny’s mouth, ankles crossed at his lower back as Johnny presses him down onto the carpet of his living room. A part of Sicheng kind of hoped this is where they would end up, telling Kun not to bother showing up for the shoot for this reason exactly. He bites softly at Johnny’s lower lip and arches up, chest pressed to Johnny’s as he licks his way into Sicheng’s mouth. 

“We’re not done,” Johnny sighs into his mouth. “We still have more photos we need to take.” 

“Let’s be done,” Sicheng insists, hands coming up to twist into Johnny’s hair, pressing their lips together again. Johnny moans, shifts his weight to his knees so he can run his hands down Sicheng’s sides, up under his shirt. He slides his hands up the landscape of his waist, his ribs, and presses a thumb into one of his nipples. Sicheng keens and Johnny chuckles. 

“Chengie,” Johnny says. “Sicheng, c’mon. Stop trying to seduce me.”

“How do you know that wasn’t my ploy all along?” He insists. Johnny drops, one, two, three more kisses before pulling away. His lips are pinking up nicely and Sicheng wants to bite him again. 

“Because you still need to upload these photos before the first,” Johnny reminds him. Sicheng goes limp in his arms. “C’mon, babe. Just a little longer.” He tugs Sicheng up by his middle, Sicheng’s arms wrapping around his neck as he does so. “When we’re done we can do whatever you want.” 

“Does that include ordering in and watching a movie on the couch?” 

“Whatever you want,” Johnny assures him, pecking him on the lips once more. 

“Simp.” 

“You make me this way.” 

The photos go up on time but it’s a close call because Sicheng proceeds to take Johnny to bed almost as soon as the shoot is done and they don’t resurface until the next morning (food was not actually ordered in at all). Johnny ends up editing the photos in bed with Sicheng draped over his shoulders, pressing kiss up and down his neck until he has to turn around and pin him to the pillows to get him to stop. It’s very domestic and fills Sicheng with so much love he doesn’t know how he ever got to this point. Doesn’t ever want it to stop. 

It makes him feel brave. 

“I’m going to do a face reveal by the end of the month,” Sicheng announces at brunch the following week.

Brunch has turned into what is, essentially, a family affair, the way Johnny and Taeyong also come. It’s kind of ridiculous because Kun and Taeyong basically spend the entire meal cuddling in the corner of their circle booth while Renjun pretends to retch and Ten complains about Jaehyun not being invited. Jaehyun isn’t invited because they don’t want to be kicked when one of them misses their target playing footsie. Sicheng has left meals with bruised shins because of the two of them. 

The announcement takes them all by surprise though because even though Sicheng merely sips his tea Ten literally drops his cutlery while Renjun almost chokes on his juice. Kun perks up and Johnny turns to his boyfriend with raised brows. 

“Did I know about this?” Kun asks. 

“Sicheng, you don’t have to do that,” Johnny insists. “Really, it’s okay. I haven’t even told anyone that we’re dating.” 

“No, I know,” Sicheng agrees, setting his tea down. “I just think it’s about time, don’t you?” 

“When did you decide this?” Ten asks, checking under the table to make sure he didn’t drop something down there. It seems like it made it all on the table but he’s not certain. “I mean, not to be that guy but this feels kind of out the blue.” 

“I’ve been thinking about it for awhile,” Sicheng admits. “Around the time I told Johnny I started thinking about it seriously.” He turns to Johnny then. “You remember what I said that night, right? ‘I can’t hide this forever,’? To be honest, I don’t want to. It’s really hard for me, for Kun, and eventually it’s gonna be hard on you too if we keep dating.” 

“I don’t mind,” Johnny assures him. “I’ve thought about it, the inevitably of maybe not telling people or your brand as a nonentity continuing to be a thing even as we are dating. I’m fine with it. You don’t have to tell people anything if you don’t want to.” 

“I know,” Sicheng says, turning back to his meal. “And I know I’m gonna be fending off assholes for the rest of my career if I do but you were right that night and I know that. I have a support system. So what am I really afraid of?” 

“Oh, God,” Kun groans. “Where are you gonna announce it?” 

“Instagram, probably,” Sicheng replies, mopping up syrup with his waffle. “I’ll post photos from OnlyFans, tasteful ones,” he stresses the latter at Kun’s hesitant face, “a doodle of my persona, if Renjun’s willing to draft something up,” Renjun offers a thumbs up from Johnny’s other side, “and a selfie or something.” 

“We’ll take a photo together,” Johnny says. Sicheng looks over at him with a little smile. “For your selfie.” 

“You don’t have to do that.” 

“It’d be rude of me to not come out here and support my boyfriend,” Johnny states simply. 

“You’re not gonna have a relationship reveal at the same time, are you?” Kun whines. Taeyong rubs his boyfriend’s shoulder gently but he’s grinning as he does so.

“I dunno, are we?” Sicheng asks, looking at Johnny. He only offers a shrug in response. Sicheng grins and looks at Kun. “We’ll think about it.” 

“You’re my worst nightmare,” Kun tells him. 

“On the upside, I’m your only client, so what are you so worried about?” Sicheng asks with a pointed bite of waffle. 

The post goes up no later than January 29th. 

It features five photos. One of Sicheng’s gaming persona that Renjun created just for this with his mask being taken off to reveal the face underneath. The next is of his most recent photoshoot, the one from New Years that Johnny took where he was sitting in that chair, giving bedroom eyes to the camera. The third is a photo from the side while he games, something Johnny took during one of his streams when he wasn’t looking. He never intended to post it but hold onto it for safe keeping but Sicheng insisted he should include it. The fourth is just Sicheng, something from a get together, one that Ten took while Sicheng was mid-laugh, talking to Kun and Yuta. The last one is a selfie of Sicheng and Johnny, Johnny pressing a sweet kiss to his cheek while Sicheng’s eyes pinch closed through his grin. 

The caption is long. Something Sicheng made himself that talks about being honest, true and coming clean. In it he mentions the rollercoaster of just the past three months, how so many things have changed and his life and really coming out the other side for the better. He tags Kun, Ten and Renjun as being the best support system he knows and Johnny when he talks about him coming into his life and making him take a good, hard look at his career and how he feels about it. 

‘In the end,’ Sicheng writes, ‘I knew that I couldn’t pretend to be three different people all the time and I’m really thankful to find that even though I always thought I did, I never really had to be. And I don’t want to be. Going forward I’m just Sicheng. Winwin is fine, Sichengie is also fine but I’m always going to be Sicheng no matter where life takes me and I think that’s all that matters. Also, for anyone who was wondering, yes, I am dating Johnny. I don’t think I ever would’ve had this kind of courage if he hadn’t come into my life so you can thank him for reminding me that this is who I am. And I never have to be anything more or less than that.’

Reactions are mixed but Sicheng clings to one of the most important from a fellow openly queer gamer.

 **@SonicFox:** _@allidois_winwin_ so proud of you, man! there’s nothing in the world you need to be more than yourself and i’m glad to see you’re so ready to be that. if you ever want to game hmu. 

“I’m good, I have the SonicFox seal of approval,” Sicheng laughs. Johnny tugs him in by the hand and they fall into the couch together. Sicheng squirms his way into his boyfriend’s side, their phones forgotten on the table and Sicheng’s head pillowed on Johnny’s shoulder. 

“I’m proud of you,” Johnny tells him. “You never had to do it but I’m proud of you for wanting to be your most authentic self. That’s really hard.” 

“It feels really good though,” Sicheng admits. 

“So will you stream with a facecam now?” Johnny asks. Sicheng hums, rubbing his face against his boyfriend’s shirt. Johnny runs a hand through his hair, pressing a delicate kiss to his hairline. 

“Not right now. Oh, but we have to stream with the guys soon. Taeil and Hyuck were screaming in my ear when they called about wanting to congratulate us on stream.” Johnny groans sinking further into the cushions. “Don’t you love dating me? Our friends are so fun!” 

“I adore dating you,” Johnny states simply and Sicheng lifts his head to press a kiss to his lips. “I can’t stand Taeil and Hyuck,” he sighs into Sicheng’s mouth, making him giggle.

**Author's Note:**

> people / games referenced throughout the fic and / or inspired me throughout the process of writing. if you know them or if you just want to send them a lil bit of love please do so. they're incredible.
> 
> games:  
> Grand Theft Auto (GTA) V  
> PlayersUnknown's Battlegrounds (PUBG)  
> Among Us  
> League of Legends  
> Overwatch  
> Forager  
> Shadows of the Damned  
> Fall Guys  
> Dead by Daylight
> 
> people:  
> Ray Narvaez Jr, "Brownman"  
> Meg Turney  
> Jessica Nigri  
> Dominique McLean, "SonicFox"  
> Lucky, "lucky_bonez"  
> SonjaShio
> 
> and you can find me here!  
> [twt](https://twitter.com/sofarsoperfect)  
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/sofarsoperfect)


End file.
